An old lady with green scarf

Dengan nama Allah.

Today, I was late for an afternoon class and you have to know that the walk to the faculty from my house could easily take 20-30 minutes and halfway through, I realised that I only had 10 minutes left so yes, I was in a mad rush.

That was when I saw her. I'd noticed her from afar actually, it was a long straight road and she was heading towards me from the opposite direction. A little old lady wearing a green scarf and a sort of black attire which was a bit worn out. She was carrying a huge roll of carpet on her back, and another one rolled up in a plastic bag in her hand. Her face was sort of stricken as you'd expect from that amount of physical exertion on a 70-yr-old-ish body.

It was a long stretch bit of road, I had told you, and I had a little debate in my mind. I contemplated on helping her, she obviously needed it, but at the same time she was walking in the opposite direction to God knows where. and I was late. YaAllah kesian kot, bongkok2 bayangkan bawak carpet kat belakang?! So in the split second that followed as I passed by her, I smiled (more guiltily than of a stranger's warmth) and nodded and continued walking.

The guilt was crushing after that. I felt pretty horrible, to give in to my selfish reasons. Pelbagai perkara bermain di fikiran selepas itu..

Tetiba2, eh! and then there she was! at first I couldn't believe my eyes. She stood there with her two carpets by the roadside, an old woman in a green scarf and black tatty clothes. Asal orang tua ni boleh jadi depan aku pulak? Bukan dia baru lalu ke? :O

Masa tu dah tak fikir panjang and went up to her. Dia cakap dalam Arab, memang la blur sangat kan. Tahu 'shuaya2' bolehla. Dah tu mulalah persembahan pantomime aku bermula.

She pointed to the plastic bag with carpet in it which was on the ground, asking for me to put it around her hand. She told me she was ok but I insisted on carrying it for her. I was not gonna let go of my second chance! this time, she walked in the same direction as me and we parted at a junction. 

She held my face in her hands and kissed my cheek and said syukran, bi nagah ya rouh!  YaAllah, sangat terharu boleh?

There is something about her face which was memorable that I felt like, it couldn't be someone else... the other side of me wanted to believe that it is some sort of a second chance to test if I would have done what I said I would (faham ke?), or maybe God loved me enough not to let me spend the day feeling guilty.

Perhaps it's a lesson I must learn and share with you guys that we should do the good thing that we intended to do at the first chance we could, for we don't always get that second chance...

funny day, hm.

Random Snippets

1. I'm currently on CNS module. Just started it off today after ending our Microbe and Immunity module exam last Saturday. And this time, the university has decided to split our end of module exam with two. So we gonna have 'Mid-Module' after 4 weeks of study, then continue back to the second phase of CNS. CNS ni memang complex, baru introduction tadi dah rasa complicated sebenarnya.

2. You know that feeling when you have so many things to do so little time. Agak tension minggu ni, satu sebab exam Sabtu lepas. Tambahan, meeting dan PROF (Perubatan Frontliners) akan kembali busy nampaknya. Project terbaru, kami panggil Presiden PERUBATAN pusat, Saudara Wan Hafizi, iAllah. Belum lagi personal project for this coming summer, tapi iAllah itu pun masih lagi bawah kawalan.

3. I tried to stop caffeine intake last summer. And yes, berjaya! Dah masuk dua bulan tak minum kopi. Dulu minum sebab it gives you that mindset that you're gonna stay up late. But then you stayed up late from movies/twittering or God-knows-what. Tapi harap2 istiqamah sebab musim sejuk dah datang. Masa ni la sedap pekena hot coffee (Costa). Dan saya tak minat sangat hot chocolate, sebab mengantuk. Kadang kadang boleh la.

4. Cuaca dah makin sejuk nampaknya. Tapi setakat ni, memang tak dapat dilawan sejuk Jordan (around Middle East), tapi tak taulah negara lain macam mana. Hari tu pergi masa raya haji, rasa macam dah tahap mid-winter dekat Alex. Gitu ha. Rindu Jordan la, sangat. Rindu orang2 nya, rindu biahnya, rindu makanannnyaa. Kalau nak tulis post pasal Jordan memang la lebih 10 post (exaggerated). Tapi, disebabkan ada request dari kawan, sebab ramai jugak ar tanya, ada je dalam draft, tak terpost sebab macam..entah la macam tak reti nak buat ayat. Macam..keindahan Jordan tu hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu ewah!

5. Soooo.......since everyone's talking about Palestine, what I see from both sides is hate mongering,both wanting to wipe each other off...and what I see, the dialogue of my muslim friends in fb, is sharing pics and words and duas but this do not solve the conflict (dua tu iAllah Allah dgr satu2, teruskan berdoa untuk saudara kita iAllah), izinkan saya untuk mengsteer the conversation ke arah soalan " apakah langkah terbaik untuk end israeli-palestine conflict? " 

I just want to steer the dialogue towards thinking of what to do next, not merely sending aids and stuff. 
60 plus years friends, is a long time for not doing anything or merely spreading awareness.. it think its time for our generation starts to think on a more viable ways. Personal nya, I'm thinking of a functioning body. Tapi I lost all hope in OIC or Muslim leaders.Orang biasa macam kita, apa yang kita boleh buat yea? Saya sendiri pun takde jawapan jujurnya.

Stories behind songs

Bismillah.

I was walking along Queen Street when a street performer started playing Boston by Augustana. I was brought back to 2010, to the first time I heard that song from a post on Facebook. A post from....someone.

Honestly means so much to me I can't even begin to explain. Sometimes when I listen to it I feel it was written about my situation because it's so exact. Hmm I did not like the song that much, and I don't particularly enjoy the band, but I remember who posted it.

Looking at my playlist, all of those songs have its own memory attached to it. I am blessed/cursed with a retentive memory such that I can remember the memory attached to it in a very detailed way: the sound, the feelings, the weather, the smell. everything.


...Yuna's Terukir di Bintang reminds me of the spacious but cold apartment, me alone with my hot milo and cornbread, just waiting and having the song on repeat. 

 ...Mirwana, Permataku reminds me of myself last winter, a cup of warm tea (twining's, sugar and cream), listening to the sound of sea waves. The sky a soothing shade of blue, grey, orange and the in betweens. It's like being in love.

...Right Here Waiting reminds me of a night in Mekong River, on the cruise with lovely people. 


Perhaps I need my playlist changed.

As for the street musician, I don't think he quite understands why I crossed the road to give him my spare changes. Perhaps he thinks I'm just being kind. but I'll keep that to myself. 

Dream I'm working on

Petra Jordan

" I do know that someday I want to live in a house filled with my books and travel souvenirs. And the walls will be covered with photos of family and friends. When I leave the house I'll be going to a job I love, and I’ll return to a person I love. So, that’s the dream I’m working on "


.notakaki: Nak memupuk budaya membaca dalam diri anak-anak. #Eh.

It's time

Please be silent
I'm trying to listen
To that lump of flesh beating
It tells me what I need to hear
Not what I want to
Silent. Listen

Here I am,
getting nearer to the end
of thoughts, of words,
yet, forever yours
and let this Ajlun bear witness

- this Ajlun (Salahuddin al Ayubi fort, Ajlun 27102012)



An excerpt of a poem written, while she's standing at the top of a kubu piercing through the calm surrounding of Ajlun, sending wild ripples of wind everywhere.

As if bounded by a spell casted by the fort itself, she continued scribbling on a piece of jagged brown paper, unmoved by the chilling cold of the winds, nor disturbed by the sounds of tourists voices talking about the great history of the place itself beside her.

She can barely write in the cold, but there's something else illuminating the tip of her pen, guiding the twists and turns of her little fingers - the slow hum of her own heart, sharing secrets with the Ajlun... through the blue ink embedded within the brown paper.

Ajlun, Jordan. Vague memories, filled with haze and disappearing with time.

.notakaki: Tengok balik post post lama, jumpa ada post yang orang post gambar masjid di Jordan.  (LINK). Masa tu, tak rasa apa2, tapi bila terjumpa balik post tu, macam "Oh snap!" Tapi sayangnya dah delete gambar tu sebab rasanya masa tu ada konflik jiwa kot, jadi banyak delete gambar dan hampir jugak nak delete blog.