Mrs Smith

Place : in the airplane

Date : 26th July 2012

Time : 4.30 pm

I boarded the plane knowing that I'd be on it for the next 11 hours more or less and once I arrive Singapore I'd have to take a 1 hour connecting flight to Kuala Lumpur then 1 hour 45 minutes to Kuching. I cringed at the thought of such a long journey. I looked at the seating plan and realised that 33A was smacked right beside the window! Hehe loving that :)

I found my seat, placed my hand luggage in the overhead compartment above me and then breathed a sigh of relief as I settled down. I had only 7 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours and I was extremely tired. Minutes later a blonde-haired lady who was perhaps in her 50s claimed the aisle seat next to me by putting her handbag there just before she stored her hand luggage in the overhead compartment as I did not long before. She caught a glance of my tired face and we smiled at each other.

For the first 5 hours none of us said anything to each other until I needed to go to the bathroom. I politely asked the lady next to me if she could make way for me. She smiled, got up for me and sat down again. We started a conversation after I returned to the seat. I found out that she's actually a British citizen who had been living in Cape Town for the past 23 years. She has 2 sons - the eldest a Math teacher and the youngest a future lawyer.

"So are you off to have a holiday in Singapore?" I inquired predictably.

"No, no. I'm going to Australia. Just transiting in Singapore," she clarified.

"Oh, a holiday in Australia then?" I chirped.

"Actually I'm moving to Australia for good. I'm going to meet my partner. He lives in Sydney," she further elaborated.

"Oh okay," I replied for what I thought would be the last time because I didn't want to ask anything else in fear of being intrusive.

****************************************************************************

"I recently left my husband of over 20 years to be with him. Now we're finally going to live together," she continued with pure excitement in her voice.

Quite surprised by her revelation I didn't really know what to say except, "Oh wow, now that's something you don't hear everyday!"

She laughed at my response and began to tell me the whole story. She said she was very young when she met her ex husband. She had met him while travelling around Cape Town to meet up with a good friend of hers. They met and I suppose they fell in love and got married. They moved back and forth between Cape Town and England until she had her first child.

It was then she settled in Cape Town for the next 20 years or so of her life. They ran a printing business together and life was fairly good to them. Then one day an old friend whom she had once met while travelling around England had contacted her sister. She remembered him and they decided to keep in touch via e-mail before talking to each other on the phone frequently. After a few months of rekindling their friendship she had realised there was something amiss in her relationship with her husband. When I asked her how she came about the decision to leave her husband she merely said, "He wasn't the right one."

Obviously I wasn't going to settle for that answer so I asked, "How do you tell when someone's the right one?"

She went silent for a good 30 seconds and her facade became more serious all of a sudden. "I suppose you could say it's very individual. But I say it's when you have absolutely no doubt in your heart about the person," she replied after reflecting.

"So let me get this straight. You decided to leave your husband for a man you had not seen for almost 30 years? You just communicated with him via email and telephone?" I asked in absolute disbelief.

"Yup! I told him that I wasn't the same size 12 girl he had met 30 years ago. I've changed and a lot has happened since then. But we still understand each other same way we did before. He understands me in ways my husband never did. I left my husband and he left his wife," the lady confessed. Not long after their life-changing decisions they reunited when he visited her for 10 days in Cape Town.

As I was absorbing everything she was telling me I sort of knew what she meant. "It's like you never have to explain the way you feel to that other person, right? Like they just get you without you having to say why or how you felt and did this or that," I trailed after her.

Her face lit up as she said, "Yes! Exactly!"

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For the next 6 hours we spoke about a lot of things which ranged from our mutual interests in cooking, baking, travelling, life in Cape Town to my studies in Alexandria. I showed her pictures of my adorable little cousins, and she marvelled me with stories of her experiences in Turkey, Egypt and parts of Europe she had travelled to. Despite our differences - age, religion, race, nationality, values - we managed to find our common ground. We were both women. Women who want to be loved for who we are. Women with desires, aspirations and flaws. Maybe next time when you board a plane try striking a conversation with the person next to you. You never know what you could learn about others and more interestingly, about yourself.

I don't know what went wrong in her marriage but who am I to judge her? Who am I to say what she did was wrong or right as a matter of fact? I don't believe that we live in black and white world. I don't think God ever intended it to be seen in only those 2 shades. I believe in embracing the colours of life and learning to respect the fact that people come in all shapes, sizes, skin tones, cultures and backgrounds. I also believe this is what makes God and His attributes all the more real to me.

Hours had passed and the plane landed smoothly in Singapore. Before we parted ways I wished her all the best for her new life and she did the same for me. "And don't forget, when you choose your man make sure he's worth it," she said authoritatively but in a motherly way. As I smiled at her advise the traffic in front of me moved and I walked out of the plane feeling so happy that I'm only few hours away from home and that my 12 hour journey back to Malaysia is almost over.

“My heart is so small, how can You put such great sorrows in it?”

“Look,” He replied. “Your eyes are even smaller yet they behold the world ”

- Rumi

Raya!

A little high due to lack of sleep and overdosed with fat. Raya ooh raya.

EID MUBARAK / SELAMAT HARI RAYA my lovelies! Please forgive me if I've hurt or offended you in this blog. Yes, I'm human and I make mistakes. Lots of them. I hope you are all enjoying your time with your loved ones.

To Malaysians, I hope you'll enjoy the rest of Hari Raya. Just don't overdose on rendang and yummy cookies okay? ;) To everyone, hope your Eid was amazing and I pray we will live to receive the blessings and mercy of another Ramadhan, inshaa Allah.

Life here feels good

One of those nights where I feel the need to create a line or two, be it right or wrong. Weather seems so chilly these past two days, the air-con controller can be chucked aside, comforter seems like the best hiding place.

Growing up, I have always had both my parents at home, all the time. It was not easy but it is sufficient for my growing up needs. From what I remembered, I had great memories because my parents were always around to teach me how to read, to wash my plates, to sweep the floor, to take care of my little sister, to lock the house, to start praying properly , to start fasting, to play badminton, to study hard, to behave, to not follow the wrong set of friends, to not get attached to a boy , to not go against your own parents and to choose the right path for my career.

Those are some of the things that I can remember vividly. Mom has always asked me to be careful when it comes to mingling with boys, extra reminder to not be attached to a guy at a very young age. And also sudden line from mom last week, "Kalau nak cari suami, carilah yag latar belakang nya bagus/baik". Oh adakah disebabkan umur pun dah nak masuk 21, talk talk sebegini is crawling inside the normal conversation?

A normal conversation between my friends and I will always stumble upon whether do we want to settle in Kuching for good when the right time comes? To be honest, I do but with all these visions and missions(WOW!) that I have in life, it seems unfair for me to discount them when I make those decisions. Bapak once said, "Kerja di UK tak nak? Cari experience dulu".

But you know what, at the end of the day, it is my life but I want to be able to be there for my future kids later, just how my parents have always been there for me through thick and thin, throughout my stupidest decisions and the wise ones.

Conclusion of this post is... Haha.. I wish I could just stay here because life is simple here but at the end of the day, it is your life, your say. Pretty much, you have to choose the life that will make you happy or at least, not miserable. If you're happy single, so be it. If you're happy being a workaholic, then be it.  If you're happy with 10 kids, so be it. If you're happy riding a motorcycle, then be it.

Honestly, life here feels right.

This (another) obsession of mine

My fascination with books began quite late. I was tired of my brother hogging the TV all the time. I needed to find my own entertainment. I turned to books. They’re the simplest. I can imagine the characters up till how my imagination leads me. And usually the main characters would be beautiful. There are no limitations to how I want the characters to be. It’s like I’m in my own secret world.

I hated all the short stories in Enid's book. The talking chairs, the talking toys. I knew from then onwards, fantasy wasn’t to my liking.

I can’t remember when, or how was I introduced to chick lits. But I know the first time I read it, I fell in love with it. It’s all about normal, average girl meeting the purfect guy. Tall, dark and handsome with a secure successful job who happens to come from a very rich family. That’s as far as fantasy would go for me. But after hundreds of chick lits, they don’t entertain me as much. I stopped buying them.

And I read all Harry Potter series, we have a full set of it at home. Talk about my obsession on Harry Potter (read: not Daniel Radcliffe). Also I did read a few series: princess diaries, baby-sitters club, sweet valley, sisterhood of travelling pants, Mary-Kate and Ashley, sophie kinsella's, cecelia ahern's, nicolhas sparks's and the unfortunate series (Which I gave up after the 7th book seeing how I was so frustrated they couldn’t lead a nice life). There was one author I went by when I was little too, Jacqueline Wilson.

I am currently reading The Tipping Point; speaks of a concept I’ve been having faith in for quite some time now. How Little Things can Make a Big Difference!

The first good book in months, definitely different genre from what I've been having last few years. No matter how late it is, I can’t seem to put it down. I miss this feeling, hence that’s why I am blogging about this old obsession of mine that have been taken away from me after I’ve got jaded with a few not so good books.

Finding a good book is harder than Mr perfect you know? Like how one time I bought a book because it was so pink and nice, and it turned out to be about lesbians. So the saying, don’t judge a book by its cover is really applicable after all.

Little Girls Dancing

Assalamualaikum and hello!

Even since I was little, my favourite sport to watch during Olympics would be gymnastics. I love everything about it; the beautiful costume, glittery make up, the confidence, dancing, tumbling, flexibility, everything. I always asked my mum “why didn’t you send me to do gymnastics?” And everytime I watch gymnasts perform, I feel this yearning in my heart. It is something I had always, always wanted to do.

With the Olympics going on now, the feeling is back, although much lesser.

It is funny. Even as a kid, I always told myself “when I have my own daughter, I’m going to send her for gymnastics!” or maybe ballet, or anything that requires dancing, confidence, flexibility, glittery make up and costumes.

See, ever since I’ve started to learn more about this faith of mine, becoming more involved, it is a dream of mine to build a family with Islamic values.

From finding a good man that could help me in this faith of ours to raising my kids with the awareness of being a good Muslim that love Allah with all their heart. Yes, some might think it is too early to think about all these stuff. But there’s a story about this Islamic scholar. The Islamic scholar’s dad has prepared to build a family even before he was married, even before he had the son. It is never too early to have a vision.

Anyhow, as you can see, it is kind of conflicting to raise my children in an Islamic environment and still send her for gymnastics classes and perform in front of a big audience in costumes that do not cover up. Honestly, I am always having this conflict with myself. Especially the part about wearing hijab “should I make them wear since little?” or “should I just let them discover the beauty of hijab on their own like me?” There are other things as well. Lately I’ve been meeting a lot of girls that went to International Islamic integrated school. They are smart, beautiful, have Islamic values, speak very fluent English and just so….wonderful. They had the advantage of growing up in a very Islamic environment surrounded by not just family but friends that support one another in becoming better Muslimahs.

While me? I started my teenage years quite rough, not interested in this religion at all, just thought that “hey, being good is enough”, made silly mistakes, had no respect for myself, and today I find that this religion is the most beautiful thing ever and am trying to be better than I was previously making Islam the centre of my life, insyaAllah.

So you see, there’s this conflict in me. To raise my children in a very Islamic environment or let them learn on their own, like me. But I know one thing that I want; I want the house to be filled with so much love, they don’t feel the need to seek love from outside. And of course, first and foremost teach them about Allah’s love and the love for Him and His Messenger (pbuh).

So anyhow, during this holiday, I had this thought “hey Atiqa, you know. You could always train your daughters at home. Do stretching, tumbling, dancing. Make beautiful costumes for them, make up and glitters. And you could make them perform in front of family. Or gather your friends’ daughters and let them perform together.”

Yes. Islam should never be an issue.

If there’s a cause that I’m really interested in, it will be making people especially teenagers understand what Islam truly means and feel accepted even if they don’t wear hijab, even if they don’t pray, especially if they had a bad past. I have this interest in me to establish a Muslim Youth Club. To invite them to learn more about Islam. It will act as a support group for young Muslims with love as the theme; love for Allah and His Messenger. I believe in love so much. I believe making them realize about Allah’s love will insyaAllah make them want to strive to be better Muslims. And insyaAllah this love that they are feeling will make them live their life as Muslims that will please Allah. It’s not just about being a good person. Because at the end of the day, who do you give your thanks to, for every wonderful things that happen in your life? And I want to help those children that had a rough upbringing maybe from a family that is not quite perfect, say a father that is a drug addict or a child that does not know who is his father. We could have sharing sessions (usrah), learning sessions (teach them about Islam in a non-academic, non-monotonous way unlike what the schools are doing) and activities for boys and girls, separately of course. Maybe dancing class for girls, competitions and the likes.

Some might think using love as an approach is too soft. But different people require different approach and why does it matter (‘soft’ or ‘hard’ approach) if in the end the main goal is to be the best Muslim we could ever be and the most beautiful in His eyes?

As for myself, it will be nice to have girlfriends that have the same visions as me as we grow older. So we could have our own usrah sessions, our own mini gymnast competitions and everything that we could do with our daughters, especially the things that people think in Islam, the girls can’t do. But of course insyaAllah with the certainty that those things could be done.

I will be brainstorming more ideas! Who is with me? : )

Lee Chong Wei

Reposting, reblogging, retweeting, our fingers played the great job at spreading the support and our heart did the noblest by being proud. But it's not just that my friends, our flame shouldn't stop just yet.

While Malaysia busy tweeting proud, China (and other countries) probably are already busy preparing for the next round. Datuk Lee Chong Wei is almost our only hero. Mind that we don't have DLCW Junior as backup.

Anyone up for the next national hero?

Let's be inspired and aspired. Let's all be heroes and make Malaysia continuously proud.

.notakaki: Dulu kecik kecik berangan jadi wakil negara, dalam apa2 je lah tapi semangat tu kuat gila dulu ingat lagi hahah. Entahlah maybe  kecik lagi kot.

Bak kata Hilal, cita cita tanpa perancangan hanyalah angan angan. Moh la kita merancang dari sekarang :)

Wehooo!!!

Live report:

* I like to walk except when it rains. Maybe it's because around London, there's so much to see, so many mysterious corners inviting me to come explore. The best way to explore is by foot.

* I like bookstores. I like the sight of books, be surrounded by books. Aren't those prints very very interesting? They offer mental adventures that're often limited by money and time. I'll marry a bookstore owner if there was one interested. Lol.

* I like hardcore traveling. Not the one where u go around shopping, see common tourist sights for the sake of facebook photos or get your passport stamped. I'd like the idea of going around every places where tourists dont even thought of going. I am no tourist, I am an explorer! If possible, I'd bring back their culture or language in my suitcase, that kind of traveling.

* Besides home, I rather be somewhere dynamic, cultured, accessible, bustling (a little is enough), historical with amazing architecture. So far, Europe is the best.

Alhamdulillah! :)

:)

Assalamualaikum and hello!

A little high due to lack of sleep and overdosed with fat. That's how my holiday went by. The special treat from mom with Laksa Sarawak and Mee Kolok, which was an absolute yumminess.

Mak cakap "Cakap je nak ape k, sementara masih di Malaysia ni, nanti kat sane mengidam pulok".

Phewitttt kalau dah mak cakap macam ni haaa, apa lagi!! :D

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa semua, jom memaksimise kan bulan yang mulia ini insyaAllah. Mak ai semangat macam makin kurang YaRaabi apehal atiqa askan.?

Kepada yang tak balik Malaysia, jaga diri baik2 di sana walau di mana jua anda berada. :')

Cape Town

Hampir seminggu aku bertapa di rumah menghabiskan sisa  cuti panjang. Cuti kali ini aku plan menghabiskan masa di rumah, hee bajett. Dengan niat mahu berbakti kepada ibu bapa. InsyaAllah selagi mampu selagi terdaya.

Had a great holiday in Cape Town. CapeT manyaak syok, best sangat, snorkelling kejar ikan bagi ikan makan. Syokks banget. Dikenali jugak sebagai wine land, memang nampak bar, nama wine sana sini. Tapi alhamdulillah makanan halal tak susah sebab stay di rumah saudara Islam yang dikenali. Alhamdulillah, haih tengok, nikmat lagi!