Keredhaan

Watched 3 labours in live. One of them is VACUUM delivery. Ada ibu yang sampai terduduk setelah baring menahan sakit. Ada juga yang menangis mandi berpeluh sambil ditemani ayah baby yang sentiasa mengucap ALLAHU AKBAR ketika proses meneran. Sesuai lah kalau syurga itu di bawah tapak kaki ibu. Hargai, doakan dan cakaplah 'Terima kasih banyak banyak, ma' kepada ibu anda. :')

Rasullullah SAW bersabda: "Keredhaan Allah terletak pada keredhaan ibubapa manakala kemurkaan Allah terletak pada kemurkaan ibubapa. (al-Tirmizi)

Kecintaan

Saat bayi dikeluarkan dari perut, seorang suami mencium isterinya yg baru bersalin berkali-kali sambil berkata, 

'Sayang, I love you. Terima kasih lahirkan anak untuk abang.' 

Terus dia melaungkan iqamah ke telinga anaknya. That moment really touched the bottom of my heart. So sweet, terharu sebagai seorang saksi dewan bersalin. :')

# Hakikat sebuah kecintaan adalah dgn sentiasa bersama ingatannya dgn yang dicintai. - Imam Ahmad Taqiyuddin (Kitab Al Qulub).

....

A bit vulnerable at the moment.

Need to find my way back to You.

Life in a moment

I am very stressed. Astaghfirullah. I realized, being away from home has an effect on me. When I'm home, there was always something to look forward to. Being here, I’m just stuck at home during the weekend.

Dahlah dengan tekanan pelajaran, duit, jiwa remaja kacau, dengan terlantar sakit atas katil tak boleh nak gerak seminggu, YaAllah hanya Tuhan yang tahu apa yang bermain di fikiran, hati dan perasaan.

Astaghfirullah. Used to be a lot worse than this feeling. Maybe because previously when I couldn’t pray, I never did anything to be closer to Him. This time around, I do. Alhamdulillah for that. I haven’t gone that astray.

But seriously, the major cause of my stress is this sickness. I wore mask when I was out, I cannot eat certain food, banyak sangat dah menangis akhir akhir ni. Astaghfirullah. Why can’t I handle this?

I need good news. Please. Something?

Ka, jangan layan sangat perasaan ni. This is shaytan’s work. Please snap out of it. You’re better than that.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusanku. Ameen.

The start of something new

I am anxious, jittery, nervous and *insert all the other synonyms*. Heart is beating too fast. And I bet my blood pressure is high if checked.

In 3 weeks time I will start my second year. Alhamdulillah. I am ever so grateful to the Almighty to be given this chance. While I’m excited on one hand, the truth is I am nervous. I do not know what this year has in store for me. This one senior said that it was his hardest year. This was the part that I freaked out. But I calmed myself down. I told myself “do not compare yourself with others.” I am not saying I’m smarter but I am different than her. Things might not be the same for two different people. This made me think that day. Sometimes we believe in what others say so much, we lose faith in ourselves. Is medicine really hard or are you just intimidated? You know you can Ka!! InsyaAllah. Keep on working hard and never stop praying.

Truth to be told, I did not start my first year being myself. I was mostly so very insecure and scared. I was not the usual loud, always smiling me. I was not. There was this day I became myself and one girl commented “eh, since when are you like this?” Nothing is worse than being yourself and someone asking you that. It showed that I did not start my university life being me. You don’t get a twice first impression but I’m hoping everyone would notice that was just a phase. That was a difficult time for me.

I went through so much in 2011 and alhamdulillah to have gotten this far. To be as strong as this. To be as positive as this (aaaa I was so much worse before!). To be graceful in handling things. To be better than I used to be. I don’t need everyone to realize that. When those who are close to me noticed that, I know I’ve come a long way. They know me best. They love me best. They see me best.

This is the start of so many new things. I don’t know. In all honestly, I’m quite nervous. I have been occupying myself with a lot of things lately to keep my mind off things.

Ever since we chat, this has always been what we talked about. This was your commitment. This was your focus. And I wanted this as much as you did. And now, it’s here. But we are not sharing this happiness together, even as friends. Mixed feelings on my side. One thing for sure is you deserve this. I don’t know anyone else who deserves this more than you.

What do I say to you?

Be grand.

Good luck over there : )

Take care of yourself.

I know you will be great over there : )

Nothing seems right.

Whatever happens, you are very special to me. It’s not even romantic love. It's not even a relationship. It's not even we're that close. But you know, seeing you doing well from far, growing, getting ilmu all the way from that place, more than enuf. And we don't talk that much anymore aite?

Which is for the first time ever is not in my priority list. You’re just someone that I deeply care about but unlike with my friends, I can’t shower you with my affection. Because admit it, it will be pretty weird. No matter how we say we are friends.

I guess we always have that someone that we deeply care about but he/she is unreachable, unable to shower them with love because of far too many reasons. Hmm...

Just Because

There are so many reasons to be happy about;

Because you’re beautiful. Because you have faith. Because you can play laser tag. Because family loves you. Because that stranger smiles at you. Because your cousins made you laugh so hard you started to snort. Because you just brushed your teeth. Because you are going to have salmon sashimi for dinner. Because your parents hug you. Because your siblings and you still play catch. Because you just fed the fishes in the pond. Because you know how to bake choc cheese cake. Because you just finished reading The Alchemist. Because five years from now you are going to travel to all seven continents. Because one day someone is going to marry you. Because someday someone will notice how amazing you are. Because you love to sing. Because Eid was awesome. Because you’re patient. Because you’re wonderful. Because all the clothes have been folded. Because the trash cans are empty. Because you could hear the birds chirping. Because you have gorgeous eyes. Because it is a sunny day. Because you are going to marry your soulmate. Because you have friends that would move mountains for you (if that’s even possible). Because you just finished your two miles run. Because you received an e-mail from someone you love. Because you gave a smile to a stranger. Because you know everything will be okay. Because Allah is with you.

You know, just because : )

Receive

“I think they love me more than I love them.”

“Isn’t that always the case with you?”

She is right. I need to learn how to love those who love me with all their heart. I’m better at giving love than receiving love. When someone gives me more than I could give them, I shut down. 

I need to learn how to receive.