I'm 21

These... make me smile despite having a long dragging day. It's nice to know that people care about you.  Thank God no class on my birthday. That's the best gift ever! Hihihi

Not to mention a blog post by my sister. So sweet but embarassing at the same time. Haha.

22.12.2012

Thank you.
I mean it.

Another year wiser, I hope :)

20.12.2012

"I often think of Bag End.
That's where I belong.
That's home.
You don't have one.
It was taken from you but I will help you take it back if I can." - Bilbo Baggins

Good day indeed :)

 *************

December is truly wedding season in Malaysia and another one of my friends is getting married todayyyy!

Sarawak Malay weddings are just so...throngs of people, much food, much music, much kompang, hot sun, kids running around, long queue for food, bride crying, much laughter, kids falling down, kids wailing, can't find the mums, too busy gossiping and that is just the wedding day itself, not considering the pre-wedding big family gathering/ dinner/ reunion/ henna night, solemnization day, reception day, after wedding party.

Look, I'm gonna say this early, I probably will not gonna invite you guys for my wedding, just me, the LUCKY guy, my parents, my siblings, the official, and then tea ceremony....and eat out. and then post the pictures on Facebook saying I'm married.(equivalent to the Islamic tradition of the need to advertise your wedding)

but I do enjoy colorful weddings though..

.notakaki: Lek lu, baru 5 percent kawan-kawan yang kawin. Aku akan tunggu budak2 India/Australia kawin. Kalau dorang kawin, especially budak2 laki yang pelik2 perangai tu kawin, baru aku start panik.

Passion

17th December 2012
7.00pm

The first revelation of Quran, Surah Al-Alaq (96:1-5); 

Read! In the Name of your Lord Who created.
He has created man from a clot.
Read! And your Lord is the Most Generous.
Who has taught by the pen.
He has taught man that which he knew not.

 

Sifting through bookshelves can be quite a tricky business.

At the tip of your fingers, the books which spine you touched are the creation of authors who write to influence, to tell tales, to change beliefs, to guide, or just to sell.

Their words can twist you, fool you, change you, even unravel you. One book after another, you're never quite the same person you were before.

You Are what you read, hence be mindful of that every time you pick one out of its shelf and bring back home. Be conscious of the things you grant entry or let slip, for true wisdom's pretty much like finding a needle in a haystack - most of the time it's just dried grass.

.notakaki: Harus ditingkatkan bacaan terhadap buku akademik aka modul wahai Cik Atiqa. Jawab CNS paper tadi macam entah pa2. Kena pulun lebih la ni untuk final :( YaRabb!

There's something else

There are no shortcuts in life or in love. This pain must be felt. Its what makes us special, makes us beautiful, makes us worthy. The pain of how we love. The pain of getting what we want out of our lives. But that pain is accompanied by something elese isn't it? And thats HOPE. With our pain there is hope and that is where we are, somewhere between agony, optimism and prayer.
 

Kita ni manusia afterall. Dan kesakitan itu, just must be felt, bukan?

Jordan

Assalamualaikum and hye!

This post is a lil bit overdue. According to the countdown clock on the dashboard of my laptop I have 1 day 11 hours and 45 minutes until I start actually traveling toward Amman, Jordan.  But really, this journey started when I was in IB. I don't know why I have this kind of affection towards this country. Or maybe I know.Or I don't.

HISTORY

As the crossroads of the Middle East, the lands of Jordan and Palestine have served as a strategic place connecting Asia, Africa and Europe. Kalau tak percaya tengoklah peta. Haha dan kalau nak tau history Jordan bolehlah rujuk Wiki atau others websites that are available and trusted.

WE WENT...

1. Petra 

of course!  Boleh jalan through the aqueduct system and saw temple and of course the famous site of the Treasury all carved right out of the stone.

The Treasury, below (of Indiana Jones fame) is beautifully detailed!

Past the Treasury, we wandered some of the many stone staircases that allow you to hike all over Petra. There are tons of temples and tombs you can climb up to. Unfortunately, we only had a few hours to spend here, but we still managed to take in as much as we could! I believe it will take days to explore or hike if you want to fully take in and appreciate the beautifully handcrafted architecture and history behind the city. (Oh ini city zaman dahulu tau, jangan main-main)

 

Open every daily till 6pm but it depends on the season. Kalau winter kemungkinan besar tutup awal.

Jordanian and Residents - 1 JD

Non Residents - 50 JD

What a difference kan? So advisable nya, pinjam student card pelajar yang study di Jordan. Mereka takkan terima kad pelajar di luar Jordan harap maklum.


2. Ber-hari raya haji di Jordan

Yey! This is the best part where I can get to know more students here, warga -warga PERMAI sekalian. Of sembahyang raya, open houses, food, I can't thank enough alhamdulillah :)

3. University

Melawat Yarmouk University and Jordan University of Sc and Technology. Macam lawatan sekolah pulak rasanya tapi tapi teringin kan nak tengok kat mana sebenarnya students Malaysia kat sini study. Heh Yarmouk ni centre town sikit dan JUST tu beribu jauh benar dari town (ok exaggerated, takes about 15-20 minutes jugaklah kot kalau guna taxi dari town). Hakikat dan realitinya, jauh cantik dari....(fill in the blank)

Favourite place in JUST ;)

3. Makam makam sahabat

Tiada bayaran masuk dan di guarded by pak cik - pak cik yang baik.

Perjalanan dari makam ke makam ada yang agak jauh. Jadi dinasihatkan rancang lah perjalanan anda dengan baik.

 

4. Ajloun

Beautifully structured castle. Kubu peninggalan Salahuddin al Ayubi. My second favourite hero after al Fateh (:

When we reached the roof of the castle the view was breathtaking; from the roof we could see the borders of Syria, Israel, and Iraq. It was only a quick,  30 minute tour an incredible experience to take in the history, amazing sites and beautiful scenery surrounding the castle.

Jordanian and Residents - 25 fils (macam RM1 la)


5. Jerash

Following Ajloun we headed out to Jerash. Part of peninggalan tamadun Rome.

Since it was nearly Maghrib, we only had a chance to enter the '500m' area and not fully the whole Jerash since the counter ticket was closed. It was a long day and I would definitely recommend taking a few hours to discover and explore the archaeological site.

SHOP

> Jubah semestinya! Dan lawa lagi dari Egypt boleh tak?
> Pashmina
> Souvenir keychain dan sebagainya
> Snow globe [ this is quite A MUST for me:) ]

TIPS AND TRICKS

> Make sure tukar duit USD/currency lain siap-siap convert ke Jordan Dinar before start jalan-jalan. Masa pergi hari tu, susah nak jumpa currency exchange shop. Jumpa pun, tutup. Jadi sediakan payung sebelum hujan.

> Visa to enter Jordan is 20 JD. Dalam lebih kurang LE160 jeng jeng jeng hahah terus makan duit haa Jordan ni awal2 lagi. Tapi visa is available at the immigresen counter. You'll be assisted by the worker there iAllah.

> Transportation. Ada buses, taxis. Kita orang tempah kereta sewa dan ada local pak cik yang tolong bawakkan. Basically dalam dua hari setengah cost lebih kurang 200JD. Berbaloi jalan-jalan dengan pak cik ni, tak kering gusi dibuatnya :D

> Dan kepada yang suka adventure sendiri seperti kami, sebaiknya ada lah kawan yang belajar di Jordan. Senang sikit kita nak 'book'. Mungkin untuk berurusan dengan local Jordan, terutamanya dari segi bahasa. Kerana mereka menggunakan Arab Fushah! Tapi yang menggunakan khidmat Ustaz, tidak ada masalah rasanya.

> Berhati hati dengan barang berharga anda. Husnuzon jugak tapi kita berjaga jaga. Moga Allah lindung.

> Musim panas boleh jadi sangat panas. Saya cadangkan lawat lah Jordan dalam bulan October-Februari. Middle October pun dah sangat sejuk, 10 deg (tahap kekuatan badan masing-masing).

> Untuk membeli ticket airlines, banyak je yang offer macam Royal Jordanian, Oman Air, Qatar Airways, Egypt Air, Turkish Airlines, Kuwait Airways, Emirates dan yang lain-lain. Tapi jangan lupa untuk compare harga ye!


BUDGET

> Currency 1JOD = RM4.40 = LE 8.00
> Nasi mansaf = 2.5JOD (wajib kalau pergi Jordan)
> Jubah = 15-20JOD (wanita), 7-10JOD (lelaki)


Ala kulli hal, Jordan suits me.  The market downtown with men yelling at you to buy their oranges or tomatoes, the plethora of shawarma stands, and the way that religion is infused into all parts of people’s lives here: all things that are making me fall in love with Urdun.

Ahlan wasahlan December

Assalamualaikum and hye!

Right at this very moment, I'm working on my understanding towards the drugs, all the possible materials to help me figure what actually Pharmaco wants from me. Stress seyh pharmaco. Taking a short break. I need to see some colours for a while.

Can you believe that we are in December? Hihi of course, my favourite month of all. Cuba teka sebab apa :P December ni, memang dah sejuk dah. Wrapped up nice, warm and snug, I love the cold. I love bundling up in wool jumpers and plenty of knitwear.

And also, since it is winter season, stomach rumbling like the mad winds most of the times tu macam biasa dah. So, dua tiga minggu ni rajin jugaklah housemates baking. Alhamdulillah.

Called my sister yesterday, who is now in IB. Shocked by her results which was 41! I was like, "YaAllah anaa! Biar betul?" Satu point lagi nak penuh 42 sebelum ditambah 3 bonus point untuk TOK, EE dan CAS (which is hanya akan dikira masa IB final sahaja). I am speechless. Dulu nak reach 35 tu pun merangkak :( Mendoakan yang terbaik untuk Ana, semoga Allah memberi peluang untuk dia ke New Zealand amin.

With all these stuff going on, I have to admit I'm going haywire. I'm not complaining tho. Its good in a way because it pushes away unnecessary pondering. I know I have to deal with these. And I will, one by one. I'll cross the bridge when I come to it.

Please, pray for me, whoever reading this. I need dua's from you people (:

An old lady with green scarf

Dengan nama Allah.

Today, I was late for an afternoon class and you have to know that the walk to the faculty from my house could easily take 20-30 minutes and halfway through, I realised that I only had 10 minutes left so yes, I was in a mad rush.

That was when I saw her. I'd noticed her from afar actually, it was a long straight road and she was heading towards me from the opposite direction. A little old lady wearing a green scarf and a sort of black attire which was a bit worn out. She was carrying a huge roll of carpet on her back, and another one rolled up in a plastic bag in her hand. Her face was sort of stricken as you'd expect from that amount of physical exertion on a 70-yr-old-ish body.

It was a long stretch bit of road, I had told you, and I had a little debate in my mind. I contemplated on helping her, she obviously needed it, but at the same time she was walking in the opposite direction to God knows where. and I was late. YaAllah kesian kot, bongkok2 bayangkan bawak carpet kat belakang?! So in the split second that followed as I passed by her, I smiled (more guiltily than of a stranger's warmth) and nodded and continued walking.

The guilt was crushing after that. I felt pretty horrible, to give in to my selfish reasons. Pelbagai perkara bermain di fikiran selepas itu..

Tetiba2, eh! and then there she was! at first I couldn't believe my eyes. She stood there with her two carpets by the roadside, an old woman in a green scarf and black tatty clothes. Asal orang tua ni boleh jadi depan aku pulak? Bukan dia baru lalu ke? :O

Masa tu dah tak fikir panjang and went up to her. Dia cakap dalam Arab, memang la blur sangat kan. Tahu 'shuaya2' bolehla. Dah tu mulalah persembahan pantomime aku bermula.

She pointed to the plastic bag with carpet in it which was on the ground, asking for me to put it around her hand. She told me she was ok but I insisted on carrying it for her. I was not gonna let go of my second chance! this time, she walked in the same direction as me and we parted at a junction. 

She held my face in her hands and kissed my cheek and said syukran, bi nagah ya rouh!  YaAllah, sangat terharu boleh?

There is something about her face which was memorable that I felt like, it couldn't be someone else... the other side of me wanted to believe that it is some sort of a second chance to test if I would have done what I said I would (faham ke?), or maybe God loved me enough not to let me spend the day feeling guilty.

Perhaps it's a lesson I must learn and share with you guys that we should do the good thing that we intended to do at the first chance we could, for we don't always get that second chance...

funny day, hm.

Random Snippets

1. I'm currently on CNS module. Just started it off today after ending our Microbe and Immunity module exam last Saturday. And this time, the university has decided to split our end of module exam with two. So we gonna have 'Mid-Module' after 4 weeks of study, then continue back to the second phase of CNS. CNS ni memang complex, baru introduction tadi dah rasa complicated sebenarnya.

2. You know that feeling when you have so many things to do so little time. Agak tension minggu ni, satu sebab exam Sabtu lepas. Tambahan, meeting dan PROF (Perubatan Frontliners) akan kembali busy nampaknya. Project terbaru, kami panggil Presiden PERUBATAN pusat, Saudara Wan Hafizi, iAllah. Belum lagi personal project for this coming summer, tapi iAllah itu pun masih lagi bawah kawalan.

3. I tried to stop caffeine intake last summer. And yes, berjaya! Dah masuk dua bulan tak minum kopi. Dulu minum sebab it gives you that mindset that you're gonna stay up late. But then you stayed up late from movies/twittering or God-knows-what. Tapi harap2 istiqamah sebab musim sejuk dah datang. Masa ni la sedap pekena hot coffee (Costa). Dan saya tak minat sangat hot chocolate, sebab mengantuk. Kadang kadang boleh la.

4. Cuaca dah makin sejuk nampaknya. Tapi setakat ni, memang tak dapat dilawan sejuk Jordan (around Middle East), tapi tak taulah negara lain macam mana. Hari tu pergi masa raya haji, rasa macam dah tahap mid-winter dekat Alex. Gitu ha. Rindu Jordan la, sangat. Rindu orang2 nya, rindu biahnya, rindu makanannnyaa. Kalau nak tulis post pasal Jordan memang la lebih 10 post (exaggerated). Tapi, disebabkan ada request dari kawan, sebab ramai jugak ar tanya, ada je dalam draft, tak terpost sebab macam..entah la macam tak reti nak buat ayat. Macam..keindahan Jordan tu hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu ewah!

5. Soooo.......since everyone's talking about Palestine, what I see from both sides is hate mongering,both wanting to wipe each other off...and what I see, the dialogue of my muslim friends in fb, is sharing pics and words and duas but this do not solve the conflict (dua tu iAllah Allah dgr satu2, teruskan berdoa untuk saudara kita iAllah), izinkan saya untuk mengsteer the conversation ke arah soalan " apakah langkah terbaik untuk end israeli-palestine conflict? " 

I just want to steer the dialogue towards thinking of what to do next, not merely sending aids and stuff. 
60 plus years friends, is a long time for not doing anything or merely spreading awareness.. it think its time for our generation starts to think on a more viable ways. Personal nya, I'm thinking of a functioning body. Tapi I lost all hope in OIC or Muslim leaders.Orang biasa macam kita, apa yang kita boleh buat yea? Saya sendiri pun takde jawapan jujurnya.

Stories behind songs

Bismillah.

I was walking along Queen Street when a street performer started playing Boston by Augustana. I was brought back to 2010, to the first time I heard that song from a post on Facebook. A post from....someone.

Honestly means so much to me I can't even begin to explain. Sometimes when I listen to it I feel it was written about my situation because it's so exact. Hmm I did not like the song that much, and I don't particularly enjoy the band, but I remember who posted it.

Looking at my playlist, all of those songs have its own memory attached to it. I am blessed/cursed with a retentive memory such that I can remember the memory attached to it in a very detailed way: the sound, the feelings, the weather, the smell. everything.


...Yuna's Terukir di Bintang reminds me of the spacious but cold apartment, me alone with my hot milo and cornbread, just waiting and having the song on repeat. 

 ...Mirwana, Permataku reminds me of myself last winter, a cup of warm tea (twining's, sugar and cream), listening to the sound of sea waves. The sky a soothing shade of blue, grey, orange and the in betweens. It's like being in love.

...Right Here Waiting reminds me of a night in Mekong River, on the cruise with lovely people. 


Perhaps I need my playlist changed.

As for the street musician, I don't think he quite understands why I crossed the road to give him my spare changes. Perhaps he thinks I'm just being kind. but I'll keep that to myself. 

Dream I'm working on

Petra Jordan

" I do know that someday I want to live in a house filled with my books and travel souvenirs. And the walls will be covered with photos of family and friends. When I leave the house I'll be going to a job I love, and I’ll return to a person I love. So, that’s the dream I’m working on "


.notakaki: Nak memupuk budaya membaca dalam diri anak-anak. #Eh.

It's time

Please be silent
I'm trying to listen
To that lump of flesh beating
It tells me what I need to hear
Not what I want to
Silent. Listen

Here I am,
getting nearer to the end
of thoughts, of words,
yet, forever yours
and let this Ajlun bear witness

- this Ajlun (Salahuddin al Ayubi fort, Ajlun 27102012)



An excerpt of a poem written, while she's standing at the top of a kubu piercing through the calm surrounding of Ajlun, sending wild ripples of wind everywhere.

As if bounded by a spell casted by the fort itself, she continued scribbling on a piece of jagged brown paper, unmoved by the chilling cold of the winds, nor disturbed by the sounds of tourists voices talking about the great history of the place itself beside her.

She can barely write in the cold, but there's something else illuminating the tip of her pen, guiding the twists and turns of her little fingers - the slow hum of her own heart, sharing secrets with the Ajlun... through the blue ink embedded within the brown paper.

Ajlun, Jordan. Vague memories, filled with haze and disappearing with time.

.notakaki: Tengok balik post post lama, jumpa ada post yang orang post gambar masjid di Jordan.  (LINK). Masa tu, tak rasa apa2, tapi bila terjumpa balik post tu, macam "Oh snap!" Tapi sayangnya dah delete gambar tu sebab rasanya masa tu ada konflik jiwa kot, jadi banyak delete gambar dan hampir jugak nak delete blog.

Find the Cure

Bismillah.

Love is not like that, Nurul Atiqa Askan. There’s something wrong here. You’re feeling scared without any reasons. Again. Suddenly. Yes, I know it’s hard. Yes, I know it’s a struggle. Still is. 

Yes, I know you still care so deeply. But remember, for everytime you are being patient in your struggles, Allah will reward you. Treat this as free browny points for everytime you try to do this because of Allah. Nobody said it was going to be easy. Now you know, it’s in you. The struggle is in you. 

Hence Atiqa, tazkiyat al-Nafs (purification of the soul) should be done. Because certainly, being scared for no reasons is a disease of the heart. You are scared. That means you don’t feel at ease. And subhanAllah, tranquility (read: ketenangan) could only be felt by relying and having faith in Allah with all your heart, with all the broken pieces of your heart. So if you are scared, it means you are not relying fully on Allah. Find the cure for this. 

I know you’re trying as hard as you can. Allah is with you. Nothing beautiful ever comes easily. To beautify one’s soul takes longer than purifying gold. Heart is more valuable than gold. So keep on doing the things that you do. 

InsyaAllah, you will get back the tranquility. Jangan takut with the unknowns please? 

.notakaki: Menghitunghari

4th Fiqh and Medical Seminar

Orang kata, ambil bidang perubatan ni, makin dekatkan kita dengan Allah swt.
Orang kata...
Realitinya?

Andai tidak, mungkin satu sebabnya adalah kerana kita tidak pernah cuba untuk jadikannya sebagai wasilah, kerana kita tidak pernah cuba untuk kaitkan ilmu yang dipelajari di kuliah itu dengan hakikat asalnya, iaitu Al-Quran dan As-Sunnah.

Maka, ayuhlah kita sama-sama menjadi mahu untuk menjadi tahu.

SEMINAR PERUBATAN DAN IBADAH PESAKIT KALI KE 4
Membawakan tema Science in Al-Quran and As-Sunnah

“Sains dan Falsafah Sains Penjelasan dari perspektif Al-Quran"
" Kesan Perkembangan Sains dan Teknologi terhadap Umat Islam"
“Sunnah dan Kesihatan”
“Perubatan dan al-Quran”
“Kajian Perubatan Islam”
“Perubatan Alternatif”
“Pembinaan Generasi Daie dan Khairah Ummah”

 

Confusingly Happy Day

Warning: Picture heavy post

Dengan nama Allah.

I feel contented today so I decided to record it here :)

Class ended early today at 10am from 8 morning. Two hours with microbe and boring com med was....well ok la. Dah tu pergi Convention Centre to buy books. Community Medicine department was quite far from our main faculty so we'd to travel by tram. Traffic was..massive. By the time I got back, it was close to 1pm and all I wanted to do was crash!

After Asr, kena culik dengan Kiki, katanya nak bagi suprise ceh. Rupanya nak bawak pergi makan YEAY! And I didn't eat anything since morning except for a mug of Milo and biskut kering before class? ;)

So we went to Coffe Rostery, quite a famous place among MARA students here because very near jugaklah from our MARA hostel.

So I had the fattucini with cream sauce together with garlic bread and meatballs and manganese oreo cake, it was too superb, I could order another! And the portion actually banyak sangat, walaupun dalam gambar macam kecik. Heh

Even that was to-die-for! Ahh, just go already, it was too yummy and Yarabbi kenyang gile. The place was beautiful, the waiter and waitresses were nice and food was excellent, what more can you ask for?

Then azan Maghrib pun berkumandang. Cepat cepat cari masjid berdekatan. Nasib baik pak cik Arab sorang ni baik, sanggup jalan jauh, tunjuk kita orang jalan. Kita sesat kat negara dia, dia tolong, tunjuk.

Tapi tu lah, kalau ada yang baik, baik sangat. Yang tak betul, tak betul sangat hmm

Haaaa masjid ni memang tak pernah pergi lah, tersorok kat mana tah tapi MasyaAllah sangat selesa, air cond, dan mata pun terus rasa mengantuk T.T

 

Isyak sekarang macam dalam pukul 6.50 pm. So like before 7pm dah settle down kan. Malam dah start makin panjang. Subuh pun dah makin lewat :) 

Good day, good day..

Ball of Sunshine!

Dengan nama Allah.

I really love watching Legally Blonde and the messages it has. Elle Woods is an inspiration. A fictional character, yes but nevertheless really inspires me.

Firstly, she has that positive attitude. What is more amazing than that? Positive people that always look and find for that hidden blessings are masyaAllah, like a ball of sunshine walking down the street! Your head turns because you could feel that positive vibe. You could feel it. It is such a good energy. I realized that the most positive of people are always those who are always, always grateful to God. Come sunshine, rain, strong wind, they have Allah to rely on. They are positive that Allah will take care of them. Those who are grateful are special people. As Allah mentions in the Quran, (14:7).

Therefore be grateful for all the little things, especially the little things. Because when you are, you would be grateful about everything. And you have this positive energy within you masyaAllah. Share that energy.

Secondly, have faith. In others and mostly in yourself. I really love this. First impressions although yes are lasting but that that does not define a person for the rest of his/her life. The first time when I entered KMS, do you think I’d be this god conscious one day? Just because I didn’t wear tudung bidang besar doesn’t mean I won’t ever be a Muslim that is trying to be better everyday. Just because someone seems jaded, doesn’t mean she isn’t capable of loving deeply. Give others a chance. Just because I don’t wear tudung labuh, some XY species might think I am not worth marrying. 

What if one day, I’m going to be a better Muslim than you will ever be? We don’t know, we will never know. Just because I had a bad past, some might not be able to accept me. But you know, that was in the past. I’m not that person anymore. I realized my mistakes and to me, Allah is the only one that I need forgiveness from. We all love a person who has changed but to what extent do we love them till we could accept their bad past?

But most importantly is, have faith in yourself. MasyaAllah this is really important. This really applies to me. One thing I really like about Legally Blonde is how people view her as a dumb blonde but she is in fact, very smart albeit in her own way, she is. In the end she did become a great lawyer. I am always intimidated in medical school thinking I’m not smart enough. But the thing is, I just need to have faith in myself and of course in Allah, definitely. I need to have faith that He will never forsaken me. I can do this insyaAllah. 

It’s easy to lose faith, to feel negative. But challenge yourself today will you? Everytime you feel that bad aura coming, instead of succumbing to it, be a better person than that side of you. Be stronger than that. Sometimes the negative feelings come without any reasons. Why do we feel sad for no particular reasons when we have 1001 reasons to smile? Even if you had a bad day, that’s just one reason versus the 1001 other reasons. Do you know that bright, sunny day is also a reason to smile? Yes, as simple as that.

This sounds all sunshine-y and bright but from deep within my heart, those two lessons are valuable. Be grateful always and have faith. MasyaAllah the results are amazing.

May Allah lift your veil and make you see all the blessings that you are bestowed upon.

“And if you count Allah’s favours, you will not be able to number them.” 

(Surah Ibrahim, verse 34)

 

The day he took my phone away :')

Assalamualaikum and hello!

I super duper love kids, and I love talking to them and making friends with them. So when this one came quite close to me, I decided to say hello. Guess what?! He decided to ask me for my handphone! This is one businessman in the making, really. Such a charmer too, before he left, he gave me a hug and a kiss! So manja somemore! 

Of course he wasn't the only one, next thing I know his brother has told me to piggy-back him and lil sister wanted just as much attention. How can you ever say "no" to kids? 

I have a feeling, when I have kids of my own....I am gonna be SO.SUPER.ATTACHED.

#3 Nafas

Dikala malam itu waktu bintang masih lagi ribuan di kaki langit gelap
Kita sama-sama bangun dan menari bersama
masih lagi hingga hari ini dengan rentak melodi hidup
kalau rentaknya laju, aku perlahankan
kalau melodinya sesak, aku tukarkan
Kita masih banyak piring hitam yang masih belum didengar bukan?

-Aku, 9.19pm, Brewer Street, Soho

#2 Nafas

Kita sama berada di atas bumi yang sama.
Bernafas dengan 20.95% oksigen,
punya 24 jam sehari
dan lihat 7 warna pelangi
yang tak kurang dan tak lebih.

Namun ada kala terdapat beza
dan ada kala apa yang kita tempuh dalam hidup
tidak linear antara satu sama lain.

Jika aku umpama Lennon, kau adalah Yoko Ono.





-Aku, 6.27 am,
 pagi yang cerah di kota metropolitan ini, kediaman Delicia.

#1 Nafas

Hidup ni kadang-kadang jangan terlalu obses
lebih-lebih lagi obses dengan diri sendiri yang dikatakan
sudah cukup sempurna.

Bila kita hanya pandang ke kesempurnaan diri, sampai bila pun kita tak kemana.
Tak salah kalau kadang-kadang tu kita duduk paling bawah
dan memikirkan cacat kita itu dimana letaknya.
Bukan hina pun.

-Aku, 5.15pm Hyde Park.

Moving on. October!

Assalamualaikum and hye!

When I look back, I feel like I did not do much during the break. But at the same time, a lot of things have changed!

I'm gonna miss people that warm my heart. I pray that Allah will always take care of them, look after them and keep their heart always in tranquility. You know who you are. Mak, ayah, Liyana, Azeema, Aiman and other families! My high school girlfriends, KMS and KMB girls. The few Kolejians that I met during the break are really those I love :)

Anyways, I treasure these people. Those I didn’t mention, I may not know you read my blog but I pray that Allah bless you, always : )

With this coming term, I would pray for a stronger heart. I hope to take advantage of this broken heart by moving forward. A broken heart is easily touched. Touch it with Allah’s words in the Quran.

InsyaAllah, bit by bit the burden in the heart will be lifted. At the end of the day, you only have Allah to please. At the end of the day, you know you are being rewarded for your patience.

"besar balasan orang yang kuat kesabarannya"

 I pray that you and I will find our inner strength and peace. Ameen.
 

Keredhaan

Watched 3 labours in live. One of them is VACUUM delivery. Ada ibu yang sampai terduduk setelah baring menahan sakit. Ada juga yang menangis mandi berpeluh sambil ditemani ayah baby yang sentiasa mengucap ALLAHU AKBAR ketika proses meneran. Sesuai lah kalau syurga itu di bawah tapak kaki ibu. Hargai, doakan dan cakaplah 'Terima kasih banyak banyak, ma' kepada ibu anda. :')

Rasullullah SAW bersabda: "Keredhaan Allah terletak pada keredhaan ibubapa manakala kemurkaan Allah terletak pada kemurkaan ibubapa. (al-Tirmizi)

Kecintaan

Saat bayi dikeluarkan dari perut, seorang suami mencium isterinya yg baru bersalin berkali-kali sambil berkata, 

'Sayang, I love you. Terima kasih lahirkan anak untuk abang.' 

Terus dia melaungkan iqamah ke telinga anaknya. That moment really touched the bottom of my heart. So sweet, terharu sebagai seorang saksi dewan bersalin. :')

# Hakikat sebuah kecintaan adalah dgn sentiasa bersama ingatannya dgn yang dicintai. - Imam Ahmad Taqiyuddin (Kitab Al Qulub).

....

A bit vulnerable at the moment.

Need to find my way back to You.

Life in a moment

I am very stressed. Astaghfirullah. I realized, being away from home has an effect on me. When I'm home, there was always something to look forward to. Being here, I’m just stuck at home during the weekend.

Dahlah dengan tekanan pelajaran, duit, jiwa remaja kacau, dengan terlantar sakit atas katil tak boleh nak gerak seminggu, YaAllah hanya Tuhan yang tahu apa yang bermain di fikiran, hati dan perasaan.

Astaghfirullah. Used to be a lot worse than this feeling. Maybe because previously when I couldn’t pray, I never did anything to be closer to Him. This time around, I do. Alhamdulillah for that. I haven’t gone that astray.

But seriously, the major cause of my stress is this sickness. I wore mask when I was out, I cannot eat certain food, banyak sangat dah menangis akhir akhir ni. Astaghfirullah. Why can’t I handle this?

I need good news. Please. Something?

Ka, jangan layan sangat perasaan ni. This is shaytan’s work. Please snap out of it. You’re better than that.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segala urusanku. Ameen.

The start of something new

I am anxious, jittery, nervous and *insert all the other synonyms*. Heart is beating too fast. And I bet my blood pressure is high if checked.

In 3 weeks time I will start my second year. Alhamdulillah. I am ever so grateful to the Almighty to be given this chance. While I’m excited on one hand, the truth is I am nervous. I do not know what this year has in store for me. This one senior said that it was his hardest year. This was the part that I freaked out. But I calmed myself down. I told myself “do not compare yourself with others.” I am not saying I’m smarter but I am different than her. Things might not be the same for two different people. This made me think that day. Sometimes we believe in what others say so much, we lose faith in ourselves. Is medicine really hard or are you just intimidated? You know you can Ka!! InsyaAllah. Keep on working hard and never stop praying.

Truth to be told, I did not start my first year being myself. I was mostly so very insecure and scared. I was not the usual loud, always smiling me. I was not. There was this day I became myself and one girl commented “eh, since when are you like this?” Nothing is worse than being yourself and someone asking you that. It showed that I did not start my university life being me. You don’t get a twice first impression but I’m hoping everyone would notice that was just a phase. That was a difficult time for me.

I went through so much in 2011 and alhamdulillah to have gotten this far. To be as strong as this. To be as positive as this (aaaa I was so much worse before!). To be graceful in handling things. To be better than I used to be. I don’t need everyone to realize that. When those who are close to me noticed that, I know I’ve come a long way. They know me best. They love me best. They see me best.

This is the start of so many new things. I don’t know. In all honestly, I’m quite nervous. I have been occupying myself with a lot of things lately to keep my mind off things.

Ever since we chat, this has always been what we talked about. This was your commitment. This was your focus. And I wanted this as much as you did. And now, it’s here. But we are not sharing this happiness together, even as friends. Mixed feelings on my side. One thing for sure is you deserve this. I don’t know anyone else who deserves this more than you.

What do I say to you?

Be grand.

Good luck over there : )

Take care of yourself.

I know you will be great over there : )

Nothing seems right.

Whatever happens, you are very special to me. It’s not even romantic love. It's not even a relationship. It's not even we're that close. But you know, seeing you doing well from far, growing, getting ilmu all the way from that place, more than enuf. And we don't talk that much anymore aite?

Which is for the first time ever is not in my priority list. You’re just someone that I deeply care about but unlike with my friends, I can’t shower you with my affection. Because admit it, it will be pretty weird. No matter how we say we are friends.

I guess we always have that someone that we deeply care about but he/she is unreachable, unable to shower them with love because of far too many reasons. Hmm...

Just Because

There are so many reasons to be happy about;

Because you’re beautiful. Because you have faith. Because you can play laser tag. Because family loves you. Because that stranger smiles at you. Because your cousins made you laugh so hard you started to snort. Because you just brushed your teeth. Because you are going to have salmon sashimi for dinner. Because your parents hug you. Because your siblings and you still play catch. Because you just fed the fishes in the pond. Because you know how to bake choc cheese cake. Because you just finished reading The Alchemist. Because five years from now you are going to travel to all seven continents. Because one day someone is going to marry you. Because someday someone will notice how amazing you are. Because you love to sing. Because Eid was awesome. Because you’re patient. Because you’re wonderful. Because all the clothes have been folded. Because the trash cans are empty. Because you could hear the birds chirping. Because you have gorgeous eyes. Because it is a sunny day. Because you are going to marry your soulmate. Because you have friends that would move mountains for you (if that’s even possible). Because you just finished your two miles run. Because you received an e-mail from someone you love. Because you gave a smile to a stranger. Because you know everything will be okay. Because Allah is with you.

You know, just because : )

Receive

“I think they love me more than I love them.”

“Isn’t that always the case with you?”

She is right. I need to learn how to love those who love me with all their heart. I’m better at giving love than receiving love. When someone gives me more than I could give them, I shut down. 

I need to learn how to receive.

Mrs Smith

Place : in the airplane

Date : 26th July 2012

Time : 4.30 pm

I boarded the plane knowing that I'd be on it for the next 11 hours more or less and once I arrive Singapore I'd have to take a 1 hour connecting flight to Kuala Lumpur then 1 hour 45 minutes to Kuching. I cringed at the thought of such a long journey. I looked at the seating plan and realised that 33A was smacked right beside the window! Hehe loving that :)

I found my seat, placed my hand luggage in the overhead compartment above me and then breathed a sigh of relief as I settled down. I had only 7 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours and I was extremely tired. Minutes later a blonde-haired lady who was perhaps in her 50s claimed the aisle seat next to me by putting her handbag there just before she stored her hand luggage in the overhead compartment as I did not long before. She caught a glance of my tired face and we smiled at each other.

For the first 5 hours none of us said anything to each other until I needed to go to the bathroom. I politely asked the lady next to me if she could make way for me. She smiled, got up for me and sat down again. We started a conversation after I returned to the seat. I found out that she's actually a British citizen who had been living in Cape Town for the past 23 years. She has 2 sons - the eldest a Math teacher and the youngest a future lawyer.

"So are you off to have a holiday in Singapore?" I inquired predictably.

"No, no. I'm going to Australia. Just transiting in Singapore," she clarified.

"Oh, a holiday in Australia then?" I chirped.

"Actually I'm moving to Australia for good. I'm going to meet my partner. He lives in Sydney," she further elaborated.

"Oh okay," I replied for what I thought would be the last time because I didn't want to ask anything else in fear of being intrusive.

****************************************************************************

"I recently left my husband of over 20 years to be with him. Now we're finally going to live together," she continued with pure excitement in her voice.

Quite surprised by her revelation I didn't really know what to say except, "Oh wow, now that's something you don't hear everyday!"

She laughed at my response and began to tell me the whole story. She said she was very young when she met her ex husband. She had met him while travelling around Cape Town to meet up with a good friend of hers. They met and I suppose they fell in love and got married. They moved back and forth between Cape Town and England until she had her first child.

It was then she settled in Cape Town for the next 20 years or so of her life. They ran a printing business together and life was fairly good to them. Then one day an old friend whom she had once met while travelling around England had contacted her sister. She remembered him and they decided to keep in touch via e-mail before talking to each other on the phone frequently. After a few months of rekindling their friendship she had realised there was something amiss in her relationship with her husband. When I asked her how she came about the decision to leave her husband she merely said, "He wasn't the right one."

Obviously I wasn't going to settle for that answer so I asked, "How do you tell when someone's the right one?"

She went silent for a good 30 seconds and her facade became more serious all of a sudden. "I suppose you could say it's very individual. But I say it's when you have absolutely no doubt in your heart about the person," she replied after reflecting.

"So let me get this straight. You decided to leave your husband for a man you had not seen for almost 30 years? You just communicated with him via email and telephone?" I asked in absolute disbelief.

"Yup! I told him that I wasn't the same size 12 girl he had met 30 years ago. I've changed and a lot has happened since then. But we still understand each other same way we did before. He understands me in ways my husband never did. I left my husband and he left his wife," the lady confessed. Not long after their life-changing decisions they reunited when he visited her for 10 days in Cape Town.

As I was absorbing everything she was telling me I sort of knew what she meant. "It's like you never have to explain the way you feel to that other person, right? Like they just get you without you having to say why or how you felt and did this or that," I trailed after her.

Her face lit up as she said, "Yes! Exactly!"

***************************************************************************

For the next 6 hours we spoke about a lot of things which ranged from our mutual interests in cooking, baking, travelling, life in Cape Town to my studies in Alexandria. I showed her pictures of my adorable little cousins, and she marvelled me with stories of her experiences in Turkey, Egypt and parts of Europe she had travelled to. Despite our differences - age, religion, race, nationality, values - we managed to find our common ground. We were both women. Women who want to be loved for who we are. Women with desires, aspirations and flaws. Maybe next time when you board a plane try striking a conversation with the person next to you. You never know what you could learn about others and more interestingly, about yourself.

I don't know what went wrong in her marriage but who am I to judge her? Who am I to say what she did was wrong or right as a matter of fact? I don't believe that we live in black and white world. I don't think God ever intended it to be seen in only those 2 shades. I believe in embracing the colours of life and learning to respect the fact that people come in all shapes, sizes, skin tones, cultures and backgrounds. I also believe this is what makes God and His attributes all the more real to me.

Hours had passed and the plane landed smoothly in Singapore. Before we parted ways I wished her all the best for her new life and she did the same for me. "And don't forget, when you choose your man make sure he's worth it," she said authoritatively but in a motherly way. As I smiled at her advise the traffic in front of me moved and I walked out of the plane feeling so happy that I'm only few hours away from home and that my 12 hour journey back to Malaysia is almost over.

“My heart is so small, how can You put such great sorrows in it?”

“Look,” He replied. “Your eyes are even smaller yet they behold the world ”

- Rumi

Raya!

A little high due to lack of sleep and overdosed with fat. Raya ooh raya.

EID MUBARAK / SELAMAT HARI RAYA my lovelies! Please forgive me if I've hurt or offended you in this blog. Yes, I'm human and I make mistakes. Lots of them. I hope you are all enjoying your time with your loved ones.

To Malaysians, I hope you'll enjoy the rest of Hari Raya. Just don't overdose on rendang and yummy cookies okay? ;) To everyone, hope your Eid was amazing and I pray we will live to receive the blessings and mercy of another Ramadhan, inshaa Allah.

Life here feels good

One of those nights where I feel the need to create a line or two, be it right or wrong. Weather seems so chilly these past two days, the air-con controller can be chucked aside, comforter seems like the best hiding place.

Growing up, I have always had both my parents at home, all the time. It was not easy but it is sufficient for my growing up needs. From what I remembered, I had great memories because my parents were always around to teach me how to read, to wash my plates, to sweep the floor, to take care of my little sister, to lock the house, to start praying properly , to start fasting, to play badminton, to study hard, to behave, to not follow the wrong set of friends, to not get attached to a boy , to not go against your own parents and to choose the right path for my career.

Those are some of the things that I can remember vividly. Mom has always asked me to be careful when it comes to mingling with boys, extra reminder to not be attached to a guy at a very young age. And also sudden line from mom last week, "Kalau nak cari suami, carilah yag latar belakang nya bagus/baik". Oh adakah disebabkan umur pun dah nak masuk 21, talk talk sebegini is crawling inside the normal conversation?

A normal conversation between my friends and I will always stumble upon whether do we want to settle in Kuching for good when the right time comes? To be honest, I do but with all these visions and missions(WOW!) that I have in life, it seems unfair for me to discount them when I make those decisions. Bapak once said, "Kerja di UK tak nak? Cari experience dulu".

But you know what, at the end of the day, it is my life but I want to be able to be there for my future kids later, just how my parents have always been there for me through thick and thin, throughout my stupidest decisions and the wise ones.

Conclusion of this post is... Haha.. I wish I could just stay here because life is simple here but at the end of the day, it is your life, your say. Pretty much, you have to choose the life that will make you happy or at least, not miserable. If you're happy single, so be it. If you're happy being a workaholic, then be it.  If you're happy with 10 kids, so be it. If you're happy riding a motorcycle, then be it.

Honestly, life here feels right.

This (another) obsession of mine

My fascination with books began quite late. I was tired of my brother hogging the TV all the time. I needed to find my own entertainment. I turned to books. They’re the simplest. I can imagine the characters up till how my imagination leads me. And usually the main characters would be beautiful. There are no limitations to how I want the characters to be. It’s like I’m in my own secret world.

I hated all the short stories in Enid's book. The talking chairs, the talking toys. I knew from then onwards, fantasy wasn’t to my liking.

I can’t remember when, or how was I introduced to chick lits. But I know the first time I read it, I fell in love with it. It’s all about normal, average girl meeting the purfect guy. Tall, dark and handsome with a secure successful job who happens to come from a very rich family. That’s as far as fantasy would go for me. But after hundreds of chick lits, they don’t entertain me as much. I stopped buying them.

And I read all Harry Potter series, we have a full set of it at home. Talk about my obsession on Harry Potter (read: not Daniel Radcliffe). Also I did read a few series: princess diaries, baby-sitters club, sweet valley, sisterhood of travelling pants, Mary-Kate and Ashley, sophie kinsella's, cecelia ahern's, nicolhas sparks's and the unfortunate series (Which I gave up after the 7th book seeing how I was so frustrated they couldn’t lead a nice life). There was one author I went by when I was little too, Jacqueline Wilson.

I am currently reading The Tipping Point; speaks of a concept I’ve been having faith in for quite some time now. How Little Things can Make a Big Difference!

The first good book in months, definitely different genre from what I've been having last few years. No matter how late it is, I can’t seem to put it down. I miss this feeling, hence that’s why I am blogging about this old obsession of mine that have been taken away from me after I’ve got jaded with a few not so good books.

Finding a good book is harder than Mr perfect you know? Like how one time I bought a book because it was so pink and nice, and it turned out to be about lesbians. So the saying, don’t judge a book by its cover is really applicable after all.

Little Girls Dancing

Assalamualaikum and hello!

Even since I was little, my favourite sport to watch during Olympics would be gymnastics. I love everything about it; the beautiful costume, glittery make up, the confidence, dancing, tumbling, flexibility, everything. I always asked my mum “why didn’t you send me to do gymnastics?” And everytime I watch gymnasts perform, I feel this yearning in my heart. It is something I had always, always wanted to do.

With the Olympics going on now, the feeling is back, although much lesser.

It is funny. Even as a kid, I always told myself “when I have my own daughter, I’m going to send her for gymnastics!” or maybe ballet, or anything that requires dancing, confidence, flexibility, glittery make up and costumes.

See, ever since I’ve started to learn more about this faith of mine, becoming more involved, it is a dream of mine to build a family with Islamic values.

From finding a good man that could help me in this faith of ours to raising my kids with the awareness of being a good Muslim that love Allah with all their heart. Yes, some might think it is too early to think about all these stuff. But there’s a story about this Islamic scholar. The Islamic scholar’s dad has prepared to build a family even before he was married, even before he had the son. It is never too early to have a vision.

Anyhow, as you can see, it is kind of conflicting to raise my children in an Islamic environment and still send her for gymnastics classes and perform in front of a big audience in costumes that do not cover up. Honestly, I am always having this conflict with myself. Especially the part about wearing hijab “should I make them wear since little?” or “should I just let them discover the beauty of hijab on their own like me?” There are other things as well. Lately I’ve been meeting a lot of girls that went to International Islamic integrated school. They are smart, beautiful, have Islamic values, speak very fluent English and just so….wonderful. They had the advantage of growing up in a very Islamic environment surrounded by not just family but friends that support one another in becoming better Muslimahs.

While me? I started my teenage years quite rough, not interested in this religion at all, just thought that “hey, being good is enough”, made silly mistakes, had no respect for myself, and today I find that this religion is the most beautiful thing ever and am trying to be better than I was previously making Islam the centre of my life, insyaAllah.

So you see, there’s this conflict in me. To raise my children in a very Islamic environment or let them learn on their own, like me. But I know one thing that I want; I want the house to be filled with so much love, they don’t feel the need to seek love from outside. And of course, first and foremost teach them about Allah’s love and the love for Him and His Messenger (pbuh).

So anyhow, during this holiday, I had this thought “hey Atiqa, you know. You could always train your daughters at home. Do stretching, tumbling, dancing. Make beautiful costumes for them, make up and glitters. And you could make them perform in front of family. Or gather your friends’ daughters and let them perform together.”

Yes. Islam should never be an issue.

If there’s a cause that I’m really interested in, it will be making people especially teenagers understand what Islam truly means and feel accepted even if they don’t wear hijab, even if they don’t pray, especially if they had a bad past. I have this interest in me to establish a Muslim Youth Club. To invite them to learn more about Islam. It will act as a support group for young Muslims with love as the theme; love for Allah and His Messenger. I believe in love so much. I believe making them realize about Allah’s love will insyaAllah make them want to strive to be better Muslims. And insyaAllah this love that they are feeling will make them live their life as Muslims that will please Allah. It’s not just about being a good person. Because at the end of the day, who do you give your thanks to, for every wonderful things that happen in your life? And I want to help those children that had a rough upbringing maybe from a family that is not quite perfect, say a father that is a drug addict or a child that does not know who is his father. We could have sharing sessions (usrah), learning sessions (teach them about Islam in a non-academic, non-monotonous way unlike what the schools are doing) and activities for boys and girls, separately of course. Maybe dancing class for girls, competitions and the likes.

Some might think using love as an approach is too soft. But different people require different approach and why does it matter (‘soft’ or ‘hard’ approach) if in the end the main goal is to be the best Muslim we could ever be and the most beautiful in His eyes?

As for myself, it will be nice to have girlfriends that have the same visions as me as we grow older. So we could have our own usrah sessions, our own mini gymnast competitions and everything that we could do with our daughters, especially the things that people think in Islam, the girls can’t do. But of course insyaAllah with the certainty that those things could be done.

I will be brainstorming more ideas! Who is with me? : )

Lee Chong Wei

Reposting, reblogging, retweeting, our fingers played the great job at spreading the support and our heart did the noblest by being proud. But it's not just that my friends, our flame shouldn't stop just yet.

While Malaysia busy tweeting proud, China (and other countries) probably are already busy preparing for the next round. Datuk Lee Chong Wei is almost our only hero. Mind that we don't have DLCW Junior as backup.

Anyone up for the next national hero?

Let's be inspired and aspired. Let's all be heroes and make Malaysia continuously proud.

.notakaki: Dulu kecik kecik berangan jadi wakil negara, dalam apa2 je lah tapi semangat tu kuat gila dulu ingat lagi hahah. Entahlah maybe  kecik lagi kot.

Bak kata Hilal, cita cita tanpa perancangan hanyalah angan angan. Moh la kita merancang dari sekarang :)

Wehooo!!!

Live report:

* I like to walk except when it rains. Maybe it's because around London, there's so much to see, so many mysterious corners inviting me to come explore. The best way to explore is by foot.

* I like bookstores. I like the sight of books, be surrounded by books. Aren't those prints very very interesting? They offer mental adventures that're often limited by money and time. I'll marry a bookstore owner if there was one interested. Lol.

* I like hardcore traveling. Not the one where u go around shopping, see common tourist sights for the sake of facebook photos or get your passport stamped. I'd like the idea of going around every places where tourists dont even thought of going. I am no tourist, I am an explorer! If possible, I'd bring back their culture or language in my suitcase, that kind of traveling.

* Besides home, I rather be somewhere dynamic, cultured, accessible, bustling (a little is enough), historical with amazing architecture. So far, Europe is the best.

Alhamdulillah! :)

:)

Assalamualaikum and hello!

A little high due to lack of sleep and overdosed with fat. That's how my holiday went by. The special treat from mom with Laksa Sarawak and Mee Kolok, which was an absolute yumminess.

Mak cakap "Cakap je nak ape k, sementara masih di Malaysia ni, nanti kat sane mengidam pulok".

Phewitttt kalau dah mak cakap macam ni haaa, apa lagi!! :D

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa semua, jom memaksimise kan bulan yang mulia ini insyaAllah. Mak ai semangat macam makin kurang YaRaabi apehal atiqa askan.?

Kepada yang tak balik Malaysia, jaga diri baik2 di sana walau di mana jua anda berada. :')

Cape Town

Hampir seminggu aku bertapa di rumah menghabiskan sisa  cuti panjang. Cuti kali ini aku plan menghabiskan masa di rumah, hee bajett. Dengan niat mahu berbakti kepada ibu bapa. InsyaAllah selagi mampu selagi terdaya.

Had a great holiday in Cape Town. CapeT manyaak syok, best sangat, snorkelling kejar ikan bagi ikan makan. Syokks banget. Dikenali jugak sebagai wine land, memang nampak bar, nama wine sana sini. Tapi alhamdulillah makanan halal tak susah sebab stay di rumah saudara Islam yang dikenali. Alhamdulillah, haih tengok, nikmat lagi!

Ahh sedih.

Yeahh I wish to have a formal weekend.
Finals pun dah habis yeay!
Nak bermanja dengan katil.
And of course banyak lagi mende lain nak buat
And makan makan bina lemak
Esok gym la nampaknye
boo meja tak kemas tuh baru gaya org nerd
Aaa mngarut tido yukk
Eh jap packing nak travel jap.
8 hours 57 minutes kata mereka.
Semoga Allah memberkati musafir ini :)


What you want is not what you need....

Hot topic

Assalamualaikum!

Last night private sharing session with housemates. And is this girl's famous topic? Like everytime we talk, mesti ada je terselit or mesti ada je end up dengan topic kahwin. Arghh stress ! Kaum adam selalu tak cakap pasal ni ha? Kalau tak why we are girls always think about it?

Adakah we all gatal or korang tak sanggup menghadapi cabaran ini. Haa last night I listened to one of this - lelaki berkahwin bukan semata-mata mendapat wanita tersebut, bawak pergi honeymoon, but once you get married, all responsibilities didikan agama, segala dosa wanita yang ditanggung before ni turn to you-husband. Waa such a big deal right.

Invisible but saya yang dengar wah no wonder kalau tanya kenapa tak nak kahwin sebab tak ready, tapi sampai bila kaan. Kami wanita mesti laa tak rasa tu kan, kahwin lagi senang kot,dapat pahala free as long obey to your husband. Senyum, masak, makeup semua untuk suami.

Usually syndrome kahwin ni akan rasa bila stress nak/tengah exam (macam sekarang) or when you look at friend's of your friend wedding picture. Arghh cantiknya, nak kahwin, argh sweetnyaa.Semua ada. Hum kalau tengok reramai lagi la, ok kawin aku nak design ini itu, colour itu ini, nak buat kat mana laa. Haissh cari wedding planner la. Eeeei kahwin kot, easy but a lots to go through..Haruslah tak semua benda senang kot.

For the time being, I try to be a good, to change to be a good girl, muslimah. Dalaman harus kuat Nurul Atiqa, hati harus tabah dan kental gitu. Don't regret what you have passed through before this and now, take it as exprience. Experience is a good teacher ever, mungkin kita tak rasa berguna sekarang, mungkin it used when you are going to get marry, having life with my future husband. It is called basic.

Simple but looks complicated.Whatever it is, dont stop dreaming. hahaha. At least make you awake !

************************

Baru baru ini seorang saudara terdekat saya dah pun menikah. Sempat lagi skype dengan diorang masa majlis and I asked my uncle , "So how do you feel?". "I feel very young!" he joked. Then he asked me, "How are you ka? Have you found 'the one'?" I smiled. He said, "Don't rush into marriage. Take your time. A beautiful girl like you... you have to be very careful."

Well I just nodded in agreement. (He calls all of us nieces beautiful, by the way).

"Remember, marriage is not a race. It's a journey. And being in love and being married are two different things."

I can't forget those words! So deep...

Credit : Asma' wedding picture

Sometimes

A week to end up first year, InsyaAllah and more to come to challenges field-medicine-suck it up deal with it. Just finished 1 paper, 4 days gap, 3 more papers to go. Don't ask how was the Human Disease paper because they were so terrible and triple awesome. Why why people's now are exam oriented. Is there any style to test our understanding, having a test giving me a big pressure. Increasing of pressure is always proportionally increase with the growth of acne.

Just missed : being a kid, where you don't have time to worries, no reason to stress. Just do anything like a boss

But now, needs to think a lots of thing. The hardest thing to make sure every people around you are happy, to make sure no one will not get hurt with you! Susah kan nak jaga perasaan orang.

Dulu duit takde boleh mintak, sekarang duit takde pandai2 la haaa nak hidup.

Urghh......ape ni tak baik mengeluh.hummmmmmm.

Just like Butterfly

Assalamualaikum.

I was going through my old blog posts. And I realized, I have grown.

It is such an overwhelming feeling. These posts act as ‘Reminder to Self’ as well as ‘Hey, Look How Much You’ve Grown.’

The latter are those really, really old posts that sometimes I couldn’t imagine myself writing that, experiencing that. Those posts made me cringe. But I’m thankful for all the bad and especially good past.

Growing up, I’ve always been that kid that over-thinks. Once when I was 9, my Malay teacher taught us this proverb. I couldn’t remember what it was but I remember the meaning was ‘someone who thinks too much.’ And that teacher mentioned the cons of thinking too much. And I caught him looking at me a bit longer than at the others when we were discussing that. And my heart whispered “Atiqa, he knows.” I always wondered how he knew.

It’s a trait I wish I could delete. I still do that you know, over-think. Though much lesser, because I have stronger faith now.

I really miss my loved ones. Everyday, I do. All I could do is pray to Allah to take care of those that I miss.

And I hope you had a good one.