Of OnG round and being healty

hello!

We are often lulled into the thought that we don't have to take measures to be healthy until we're well in the 30s. Youth gives us the invincibility that we can somehow, make a complete overhaul when the time comes. It doesn't happen that way. Good habits especially take time adjusting into. This is a slow ongoing process I hope to inculcate in myself. I want to have a healthy fit body and still be energetic when I'm much older. There's so many things to do in this world, I don't want to one day be the one who can only wish she can do something. 

And Ramadhan is not an excuse for you not to stay fit. Be moderate,don't go overboard. 

Also, alhamdulillah for the opportunity to joining the AMT this year. And last 2 weeks I have been able to witness csec and normal surgery in OnG ward with the awesomest team ever. Memang awesome to the max. Me myself personally do not really favor of OnG related. The thought of working in the labour room almost not welcoming.

But that night somehow changed my perspectives. It was kinda fun actually. Not really that gross but well, some part of it may distracting but overall, not bad la!

I guess that's all for now. Ramadhan kareem, people! ☺️

How things are

Funny that we were taught to chase our dreams and follow our hearts. And yet they expect us to listen to their words and fulfill their expectation of life. 

Funny how we were told that everything is possible when we put our hearts to it. And then they say, some things are of too much risk. How can we know it for sure until we figure it out ourselves?

Funny that we're too busy juxtaposing what's right and wrong, what should be and shouldn't, that we forgot to just be. The only one we can be after all, is ourselves. Whoever that is. Discovered, or yet to be found. 

Funny that we pray night and day for the best, and yet when something comes our way we whine and complain. Forget we must not; that it may be that we dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good, yes?

Mak

Being a mother is probably the most selfless thing a woman could ever do. There's a lot of give, give, give but not much you can take. Like how she gives up most of her sleep time when her babies are crying through the night. Like how she gives in to the persistent shopping needs of her daughters (hehe) and like how she gives her heart and soul into wanting the best for them even if they dont agree with her most of the time.  

My mum probably has the toughest job in the world. Not only sweating (and probably screaming) through labour to bring four Uh-mazing children into this world but also putting up with all our little fights and squabbles, our hard headedness and our constant need for money and materialistic things. Yet, she does it all with a smile/smirk on her face.

Mak, I love you with all my might and I promise to make you the proudest a mother could ever be. Thank you for your constant nagging reminders, your never-ending support and most of all your unconditional love. Sorry that I might not be the best I could but please don't give up on me yet, ok mak?

Love, 
Arguably, your sweetest, most lovable daughter.

Blogging urge

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Right now, I feel a desperate urge to write and keep myself busy. Although I'm due to sit for an exam on Wednesday, I just cant seem to concentrate long enough to even warm my seat at the study desk. This heart, seems unsettled. It needs to calm down! Went for a cycling in the morning today (in the freezing cold) and besides this and classes on the weekdays, my year has been quiet so far. Classes havent been as packed due to the examination period and with everyone's tendency of being antisocial, its also limited my contact with the outside world. I'm dull that way.

It's supposed to be spring but instead of getting warm, the rain outside doesnt look like its gonna stop anytime soon. Lucky for me, I love writing on rainy days, where thoughts trickle as easily as the rain streaming down my windows.

Looking back on this year, I cant help but feel that it went by so fast. Maybe just a little too fast. But one thing I know for sure was that it was a year of significant change for me. Too many things happened in my fourth year that really tested me and the people surrounding me. Some have stayed, some walked out. Its the year that I felt the most pressure so far to the point that sometimes I gave up so many times and I'm still learning how to get back up. It was a year that I regretted so many things, too many things. So, it was also the year that I tried hardest to be better, to make up for the screw ups and mistakes. But the past just wont go away. No, dont feel sorry for me, because just being able to say that I tried, I really really tried, feels like an achievement, somehow. All the struggles and personal issues aside though, I am grateful that I got to share all of them with friends so that's more than I could have asked for! 

                                       

                                        

                                        

        

                                        

 

Fighting anger

Anger is a draining emotion. 

I am on a struggle to overcome the constant emotional turmoil. 

I remember the powerful pull of fury, of the instinct to want to hit, to want to hurt; to say words that would make others feel the same way I felt. I remember the struggle to not give in to those baser emotions, and to try and hold my tongue so I didn’t hurt others the same way I was hurt. I remember the feeling that I wasn’t able to connect and express what I was feeling, and how withdrawn from the world I felt. I struggled with anger management issues, and it would have been too easy to have given in and hurt someone else in the process.

Thinking back, I had to make a huge paradigm shift to step out of that mind set where I felt misunderstood, and I was lucky that I had a good support system around me. 

It took time but I eventually worked towards it. 

To make it worst, living here in Egypt, with the behaviour of the locals, makes me tend to throwing tantrum on everyone that makes me angry. Yes, I get angry easily especially to the locals, sometimes I yell at them. Once, I showed middle finger because my temper has gone beyond limit. 

I’m certain I’m not the only one who had struggled with similar issues, and I hope that we all never forget that internal fight with ourselves and our base natures, and are able to understand the similar struggles that others go through today. 

“Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.”

To start over

I want to start over.

I want to forget all the pain you’ve caused me, the insecurity you’ve built inside me.

The scars are too deep.

I want to forget.

I want a new start.

A new beginning.

I want to feel like myself again.

I want to forget you.

Fair

In the Name of Allah, The Compassionate Source of All of Mercy

"And to Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth, and Allah has power over all things. Verily! In the creation of the heavens and the earth, and in the alternation of night and day, there are indeed signs for men of understanding."

[ Al-Imran: 189-190 ]

have you ever feel so distraught, that you can't even breathe? your knees become so weak that you can't walk. grief grips you SO hard until that little lung of yours can't defy the pressure. even in the deafening noise you can hear it slowly rupture. well, i have.

to tell you the truth, my lung almost exploded. but what saved me was, the believe that everything, every thing happens for a reason and this too shall past.

"Allah will not burden us with something greater than we can bear" [Al-Baqarah: 286]

and just that, just by holding on to that believe, I managed to breathe again. 

difficult times have helped me to understand better than before, how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way. and that so many things that one goes worrying about are of no importance whatsoever. in difficulties, lie opportunities. 

the power that we often overlooked is the power of blessing. i have learnt that we always say the word 'redha', but do we actually feel it by heart? i mean, when we say the word, do we redha in the truest way and meaning? for me, you feel it by heart when you accept whatever that befalls you with open arms and heart, knowing and believing that He knows better, and He knows best. Allah is Ever-Knowing. putting your faith fully upon Allah and praying non-stop for the best. that, to my understanding, is redha. correct me if i am wrong please.

but bear in mind, that 'the best', is not what you want, but rather what you NEED.

Well the main reson for this certain topic because I got a shocking news that my best friend will get married this year! masyaAllah our last meeting was when I sent her off to NZ in 2011 and since then, I haven't seen her face to face except in virtual world, whatsapp, or facebook. And I just realized that time gets shorter before she is someone's wife! This news got me a sudden pang right on the face. 

Not that I am not happy, it is just that, I realized, in life, people will not always stay by your side. People come and go. Give you happiness, lessons, rizq, etc but in the end, you are alone. Pokok pangkalnya Yang di atas itu lah yang selalu ada untuk kau.

bless a thing and it will bless you. curse a thing and it will curse you. if you bless a situation, it has no power to hurt you, and even if it is trouble-some for a time, it will gradually fade out, if you sincerely bless it..

To be honest, sometimes I can be jealous of people yang dah kahwin ni. At this age of mine, bayang bayang mana2 lelaki pun aku tak nampak lagi harharhar.

and whoever said that life is unfair, i beg to differ. life IS fair. because God is Ever-Fair. Mungkin ada rezeki dia untuk kahwin awal tapi takde rezeki dia utk travel. Mungkin rezeki aku untuk travel banyak lagi melebihi rezeki aku untuk jodoh. Haha sapa tahu. and it is the mix of both luxuries and hardships that make life wonderful. for lessons and wisdoms may come in any way He wills. 

for the courage, for the strength, for the patience, and for the unwavering faith that every cloud has a silver lining, i thank God. 

Geram grrr

Tak tahu nak describe apa perasaan sekarang.

Gembira, sedih, geram, kecewa, bercampur baur.

Kak Najah yang datang dari London, aku tak dapat nak jumpa. Atas alasan esok aku nak exam. And aku tak tau pulak dia pergi talk kat CC. Ok aku lambat bukak inbox. Aku dah siap2 message dia awal bila dapat tahu dia nak fly ke Alex. I should have gone there to meet her if I knew this early.

Like, seriously weh sedih gila.

Aku macam dah lama gila nak bersua muka dengan akak ni. Tetiba tak dapat nak jumpa.

Man, serious sedih.

Since aku exam petang esok, aku harap dapat la jumpa dia pagi ke kalau rumah Hana D dekat (since sekarang aku tak tahu lagi rumah dia kat mana)

Tolongla aku Tuhan, Kau tau betapa aku nak sangat jumpa, talk in person with Kak Njah ni.
.

The Theory of Everything

Within the famous Stephen Hawking, there is a beautiful love story. Rightly so, The Theory of Everything brings the personal tale of one of the brightest living humans to light. 

STEPHEN HAWKING would not be as famous as he is today if he was not so ill. There is something almost mythical about the image of such a far-reaching mind trapped in an immobile body. It would be absurd, though, to suggest that Hawking’s disability was the most significant thing about him. Never mind black holes or the Big Bang: in this telling of the Hawking story, what really matters is that it’s a moving tale of love conquering all—at least for a while—and the film-makers manage to interweave it with the development of Hawking’s ground-breaking PhD. 

As many people are aware, Stephen Hawking is an atheist. I found myself, at the beginning of the film, wondering how he was able to cope with his disease having never believed in God. The movie shows that he attributes his ability to press through and keep a good attitude to the love of his wife and family, as well as his endeavors to contribute his expertise to the world. He says at the end, “Where there is life, there is hope.”

I found this interesting, one of those lines to mull over a bit. It is not untrue; however, the thought still leaves God out of the picture. Stephen Hawking has spent his life in pursuit of that single simple equation that will explain everything naturally, and while he may have hope because of the incredible contributions the human race is capable of, but the question still remains: what is the source of that hope? Who gives us these abilities? Who holds us through all of our hardships? Who is still there when we lose everything?

Very brilliant movie and it made me shed tears..