6 September -Sunday
It's 3.13 am. and it is raining. I can't sleep. I'm anxious perhaps? I dont know. Disappointed perhaps? Not really. Mad then? Doesn't seem like it.
But I'm tired. That much I know very well. am feeling it on my whole body. It's that feeling of being drained out.
Suddenly I feel rather mellow. The rain is becoming heavier. The heavy downpour suddenly gives me the creeps. I don't really know why. But then again, I don't think I wanna know why. I don't even wanna think about it.
Why does it rain tonight? The rain somehow triggered some thoughts. Deep thoughts. Deep but trivial I think. Why? Coz it didn't seem like it mattered much. Seems like? really? You're assuming? err..no, I'm guessing. I don't know. Perhaps. Does it matter? What? The assuming or the guessing or the knowing?
There are things we do, that we just do, for the sake of doing it. We don't questions ourselves why we do it. We don't bother isn't it? We just know that we do it. Do we have to do it?? Not sure actually. We never really question it. Does it matter? What? Doing it or questioning it? Don't know. Does it matter? I don't know. But then again, do i really want to know? Is it worth knowing? Would it make any difference as to how I would wake up tomorrow morning?
The rain is getting heavier again. It rushes my blood all through my veins. I can't relax now. I'am sitting up already.
Why do I feel this way tonight? I don't know. I just don't know. But then again, I dont think I wanna know. Do I need to know? Does it matter? Does it make any difference? Can't I just freely feel what I want to feel? Why do I keep having a question to myself? Why do I need certainty? Why do I need to be sure all the time? Why?
Hoping to get away from all these nightmares when the reality is a hundred times scarier. i need to seek for comfort so i hugged my teddy bear close, held him very tight but it hurts me more knowing that he will never hug me back. he laid there lifeless in my arm, not responding, not even a tickle nor a movement that indicates how he empathize of how i feel.
it’s pathetic that in the very single moment where i badly need a shoulder to lean on, all i have is my teddy bear. i need a hug. just one hug to make all these things better. but sadly it is far within reach so i’m left to settle all these miseries by myself.
It's just the memory, lingering in my head. Just hanging in there..floating. Not doing much harm but sometimes can make myself cry to sleep. Not sure if I'm actually thrilled by memories knocking. Ain't actually something that cheers me up. it did, at one time. But now, it's just a shadow of my past, something i regret really.
Regret...
I guess there are moments in our life when we just tell ourselves, I wish I had done it differently at back then. Ya true..but WOULD we done it differently back then? I don't know about u guys out there, but what can i say for myself is that, given the opportunity to go back in time, am sure i would still have chosen the path i chose back then. because i think in that particular situation, that specific moment, i would thought things through and CAME up with decision. Eventually, I would have considered the pros and cons of the matter at that time. As it may be to to my dismay and REGRET now, the very least it thought me a lesson.
One incident in my life, that i regret having done them. The rest, I can live it, but this thing, at this moment, not a day pass by where i dont think and regret. In fact not only i regret but angry at myself too, even know. Not about how i wish I didnt do it, but how i wished i had learned the lesson thought WELL ENOUGH not to repeat it one after another, of the same kind.
Well, may tomorrow holds the better deal for all of us. Who knows, one might get lucky and just strike golds?
Wanna wish all the best to Raan, Nurin, Amin, Elle and not to forget Najib! U guys are among the lucky one yg dpt fly ke Egypt/Jordan. Jadilah doktor yg membawa harapan pada negara!
YaAllah sedihnyee :(
CHOOSE WISELY!
coz
u don't wanna wake up someday and regret it for the rest of ur life....
4.00 a.m.
It's 3.13 am. and it is raining. I can't sleep. I'm anxious perhaps? I dont know. Disappointed perhaps? Not really. Mad then? Doesn't seem like it.
But I'm tired. That much I know very well. am feeling it on my whole body. It's that feeling of being drained out.
Suddenly I feel rather mellow. The rain is becoming heavier. The heavy downpour suddenly gives me the creeps. I don't really know why. But then again, I don't think I wanna know why. I don't even wanna think about it.
Why does it rain tonight? The rain somehow triggered some thoughts. Deep thoughts. Deep but trivial I think. Why? Coz it didn't seem like it mattered much. Seems like? really? You're assuming? err..no, I'm guessing. I don't know. Perhaps. Does it matter? What? The assuming or the guessing or the knowing?
There are things we do, that we just do, for the sake of doing it. We don't questions ourselves why we do it. We don't bother isn't it? We just know that we do it. Do we have to do it?? Not sure actually. We never really question it. Does it matter? What? Doing it or questioning it? Don't know. Does it matter? I don't know. But then again, do i really want to know? Is it worth knowing? Would it make any difference as to how I would wake up tomorrow morning?
The rain is getting heavier again. It rushes my blood all through my veins. I can't relax now. I'am sitting up already.
Why do I feel this way tonight? I don't know. I just don't know. But then again, I dont think I wanna know. Do I need to know? Does it matter? Does it make any difference? Can't I just freely feel what I want to feel? Why do I keep having a question to myself? Why do I need certainty? Why do I need to be sure all the time? Why?
Hoping to get away from all these nightmares when the reality is a hundred times scarier. i need to seek for comfort so i hugged my teddy bear close, held him very tight but it hurts me more knowing that he will never hug me back. he laid there lifeless in my arm, not responding, not even a tickle nor a movement that indicates how he empathize of how i feel.
it’s pathetic that in the very single moment where i badly need a shoulder to lean on, all i have is my teddy bear. i need a hug. just one hug to make all these things better. but sadly it is far within reach so i’m left to settle all these miseries by myself.
It's just the memory, lingering in my head. Just hanging in there..floating. Not doing much harm but sometimes can make myself cry to sleep. Not sure if I'm actually thrilled by memories knocking. Ain't actually something that cheers me up. it did, at one time. But now, it's just a shadow of my past, something i regret really.
Regret...
I guess there are moments in our life when we just tell ourselves, I wish I had done it differently at back then. Ya true..but WOULD we done it differently back then? I don't know about u guys out there, but what can i say for myself is that, given the opportunity to go back in time, am sure i would still have chosen the path i chose back then. because i think in that particular situation, that specific moment, i would thought things through and CAME up with decision. Eventually, I would have considered the pros and cons of the matter at that time. As it may be to to my dismay and REGRET now, the very least it thought me a lesson.
One incident in my life, that i regret having done them. The rest, I can live it, but this thing, at this moment, not a day pass by where i dont think and regret. In fact not only i regret but angry at myself too, even know. Not about how i wish I didnt do it, but how i wished i had learned the lesson thought WELL ENOUGH not to repeat it one after another, of the same kind.
Well, may tomorrow holds the better deal for all of us. Who knows, one might get lucky and just strike golds?
Wanna wish all the best to Raan, Nurin, Amin, Elle and not to forget Najib! U guys are among the lucky one yg dpt fly ke Egypt/Jordan. Jadilah doktor yg membawa harapan pada negara!
YaAllah sedihnyee :(
CHOOSE WISELY!
coz
u don't wanna wake up someday and regret it for the rest of ur life....
4.00 a.m.
4 comments:
Well, it is already written.. It is your fate.. Glad u take biotech instead of medic cause I got the chance to know you!!
Well, it is already written.. It is your fate.. Glad u take biotech instead of medic cause I got the chance to know you!!
salam.
hey eka dear.
you should call or text me last nyte,
i havent slept yet at the time heh.
yup,i cant hug u..bt i still can listen :)
i agree with fik,its already written..
bt its okay.
Allah always know whats BEST for us.
dont u think so?
cheer up eka.
i love u :)
hey. cheer up darl. what happened to you, hppnd to me as well, so I knw how u feel at times. tapi behind everytg, ada hikmah nya. mayb Allah xnyuroh ktk ambik medic cos He knows (ney tauk lah nak quota dh cukup and ktk kenak reject scholarship) or He has another plan for u. ney lah tauk kelak u can come up with stg nak in ur field. move on and be optimist. mmg ambition nak jd doctor xkan tercapai, sepertimana kmk nak jd engineer p xpat, bt wht is given to us, cherish it & besyukur, cos kita lom niat hikmah nya. mayb someday bla tak niat blt semua tok tak rasa betuah cos ambik biotech. He has His own plan, we're just His servant.
wallahuaklam.
tcare. :)
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